WHY
Many have asked why…
Why are you a transsexual? Why don’t you just be happy with what you have? Why are you doing this?
Ever since I can remember, I’ve asked myself questions…
Why do I feel different from other boys? Why do I envy my sister so? Why do I feel so isolated and alone. Why do I feel so emotionally disjointed? Why do I find so little in common with boys? Why have I been cursed?
Entering my teens, I still asked many questions…
Why am I attracted to women? Why do I pierce my ears? Why do I feel nervous when Lori Young puts makeup on my face? Why do I have more female friends than girlfriends? Why do I still feel so little in common with men? Why do I enjoy writing of love? Why do I have a heart this big? Why do I find pleasure in crossdressing? Why can’t I stop doing it? Why do I bury my feelings? Why am I always a bridesmaid, but never a bride? Why do I medicate my pain away?
As my teen years drift into the twilight and my twenties hit their stride, I can hardly keep up with the questions…
Why do I feel like I need someone to love me before I can love myself? Why do I still love my abusive ex? Why do I live still drink my pain away? Why do I feel so much anger? Why do I feel like I am fighting to keep up a charade? Why are people attracted to me? Why do I still live in fear of the person inside of me? Why do I close as many doors as I open? Why do I fear both living and dying?
When I transitioned to womanhood the questions seemed to build up into a tidal wave …
Why do I feel centered? Why do I feel like I’ve just completed a jigsaw puzzle? Why do I feel great joy, even when I am sad or lonely? Why do I not care what the genesis of my gender identity disorder is? Why am I thankful for it? Why do I feel like this is a new day? Why do I feel whole? Why is estrogen my Prozac? Why are people threatened by openly transgender people?
After being bombarded with these questions my entire life, I’ve only found one answer…
I found me.
tranny moments | admin August 2, 2006
