I’m sorry I haven’t updated this bitch in a while, life’s kinda got in the way. I’ve got a lot going on right now, and I’m trying to tread water just to keep up.
1. NTAC – I was voted on to the board of the National Transgender Advocacy Coalition and I’ve been busy putting the web site together for it. I feel overwhelmed, under skilled, and blissfully happy about doing it all at once. I’m amazed at how much web work that I’m getting, and how people are really starting to appreciate what I do.
2. Blogging – Um..wow… have I been blogging a lot. My fingers and mind feel ablaze with the fire to write. It’s almost been a euphoric feeling lately, and the more I do it, the more I want to.
3. Meds – I’m SO glad I’ve gotten back on schedule with my meds (especially my injectable estrogen). I feel so much better and I’ve stopped gaining weight and am losing again.
4. Moving – I’m moving, so I can be closer to Nik’s Aunt. I’m gonna miss my apartment in Beech Grove, but this is gonna be better for Nik. He needs as much family around as possible, IMO. You can see the new apartment here:
[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/4D-OgtyfX14" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]
5. The Horror – NIK IS DRIVING! Ackkkkkkkkkk! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! 
He’s actually doing pretty well, considering he’s never drove a stick before. We went and got his drivers license temp permit, and he opened his first checking account today with his first tax check. I FEEL SO OLD!
cause I am… 
6. A friend of mine has been really generous and ask me to join her and her family on the Rosie cruise. I’m SO looking forward to it. *sqeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
I think that’s about it. Life is speeding by so fast, I’m really grateful for the time I have, and who I have in my life.
Ever have a feeling someone you knew was going to wind up in the pages of a 3rd rate porn magazine? Damn I’m freakin Sylvia Browne! I probably should go play the lottery now… I won’t be shocked to see her on Howard Stern, showing her tits.
Back in the day, before I really knew her, I liked her. But then I got to see inside her. She uses her body, her looks, and her charm to get what she wants. And then there’s the fact that she’s batshit crazy. I’m so glad that relationship went down the tubes….
I’ve been taught over and over again to look deeper inside someone before pursuing anything. Bat shit crazy aint fun.
Let me tell ya.
It’s funny, I’m really looking past Christmas this year. I’m looking forward to 2007, and this 2006 shit hole of a year being over with. OK, it wasn’t THAT bad. It was just a year of extremes. It was the year that my cholesterol skyrocketed to 320, and my liver enzymes shot up to 290 (4 times the high normal value). It was the year I had my first surgery (gallbladder), albeit not the first one I wanted. It was the year i got stretch marks! *grumbles*
Now, I’m not gonna whine through this entire post. I got my podcast up and going, and am developing a second. Transadvocate.com is slowly becoming what I had dreamed, a community site. I feel like my posts to this blog have more depth, more texture, and more exposure. In the second half of the year, my writing has really taken off.
And then there is my love. I’ve never made a connection that’s so deep, so free, and so honest. Having V in my life, has been really sweet too. As I write this, she’s sleeping away in my bed. I’ve got so much ahead of me next year. Two writing projects, lots of blogging, and a ton of loving! For now, I’m just gonna go warm myself under the covers and snuggle…
and look forward, with hope.
So many relationships going so many different ways right now, in my life. You, for instance…I used to think that you were so much stronger, so much wiser, and so much more in control of your life. You used to chide me for not being able to deal with my own pain, live with my mistakes, and encouraged me to stop beating myself up. You told me you’d never seen polyamory work. I felt inferior to you in so many ways, barely worthy of your friendship. Now I see your latest post is nothing but a skip on a 45. I hear, I’m leaving, I’m leaving, I’m leaving. STFU and go then!
Seriously. I don’t know you. So many things I tried to learn from you, I’ve found that you haven’t fixed in your own world. Maybe that’s why you were so short with me. Maybe that’s why you can’t return my email, but I get a comment once or twice a year. Don’t bother,… I don’t know you and I no longer respect you.
And you, my love. You and yours have taught me the fullness of polyamory. You’ve given me part of my childhood back. You’ve given me a fist to lay next to mine. You’ve been there for me in so many ways, I cry with joy knowing your in my life.
And you are new. Fuck, I am so intrigued. So many shadows, so much light, so much pain, so much substance. So much fucking texture. Hell, I’m not sure I even know your birth sex. I’m pretty sure I don’t give a rats ass. In fact, I’m positive of that fact. I’ve shown you the weird, but healthy way I love.
And you! I love cuddling with you. I definitely feel loved in your presence. You feel like family to me. You treat me exactly how I want to be treated. You love me. You support me. You see me.
Loving all of you has taught me a lot about what’s important in life, and I appreciate that more than you know. More than you can know. I’m amazed at the kind of love I am able to give and to receive. I am hurt by you. I am content loving you. I am aching for you.
This, is living.
V and I went on a date to Bloomington, Indiana. Bloomington is home of Indiana University (Hoosiers). We went to Shanti Indian Cuisine and then went to Bloomington’s lesbian outpost, Willy Joes.
It looks like Chicago makes the most sense.
For years I suffered with my gender dysphoria and I did so silently. I was afraid, confused, and needed constant validation from others. I struggled with it for 33 years and tried everything I could do to hide it, bury it, fix it, or Jesus it away. But I’ve come to the conclusion that after 33 years of trying, that I should accept it and grow from it.
I’m no longer an insecure person that needs someone to validate me. I know who I am, what I want, and what I will and will not accept. I am an individual. I can only control things that I do and I am responsible for. I have worth based on how I feel about me, not how someone else feels about me I know who Marti is, even if you are confused about what “sex” or “gender” Marti is. Knowing Marti, finding Marti, has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
I’ve been transitioning and on hormone replacement therapy since September 1st, 2001. Five years out, I am the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I feel focused, centered, and in control of my life. Some may think I’m fooling myself… but what if I am? Growing into the person that I am has been one of the best things that has ever happened in my life. I am happy. I am content. In the end, my own happiness trumps anyone else’s understanding of me. If this makes me be able to function in society and find joy in life, then it is a good, and moral thing to do.
It’s funny, before I had Lola or Chaz, I had tolerated my pets (I think because they were usually chosen by someone else in my life), but always half joked that if a pet ever cost me more than it did to purchase them, I’d have them put down. Well, that theory is out the window….. Both my pets bring my great joy, and they’re both cuddlers and I love them!
Looking at my blog, I just realized that Lola has been with me two years, this Monday!
I never can seem to find a pic that really captures my cat. Well, that is, until today. I found these two on my server while doing some cleanup.
and
My little noodle cat….
<3
Day late, but hopefully not a dollar short.
My weekend went pretty well. Spent some quality time Saturday afternoon with love. She’s a strong person, going through some tough medical problems, but still holding up well. I’m afraid for her, and was afraid to tell her as much. I did anyways because I don’t lie to her, even if it’s something I don’t want to talk about. She amazes me with her strength.
Then on Saturday night I had a date with Veronica. First we went to Yats (Cajun) for food, and then went to the gay bar across the way and kicked some ass (lesbian ass at that) in pool.
I had fun, and the night ended with sweet kisses. I’m NOT complaining.
A comment by a fellow Alumni of my high school,
“after the reunion, i see that we have all changed. apparently not as much as marty abernathy. whatever floats ones boat, or words to that effect….”
Not really sure if that’s a dig, or not. Pffffffffft. I don’t care, it made me laugh.
Some things, like sense of humor, just get better with age.
My So Called Life | admin March 27, 2007 | 
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