This is NOT work safe.
This is NOT work safe.
So many relationships going so many different ways right now, in my life. You, for instance…I used to think that you were so much stronger, so much wiser, and so much more in control of your life. You used to chide me for not being able to deal with my own pain, live with my mistakes, and encouraged me to stop beating myself up. You told me you’d never seen polyamory work. I felt inferior to you in so many ways, barely worthy of your friendship. Now I see your latest post is nothing but a skip on a 45. I hear, I’m leaving, I’m leaving, I’m leaving. STFU and go then!
Seriously. I don’t know you. So many things I tried to learn from you, I’ve found that you haven’t fixed in your own world. Maybe that’s why you were so short with me. Maybe that’s why you can’t return my email, but I get a comment once or twice a year. Don’t bother,… I don’t know you and I no longer respect you.
And you, my love. You and yours have taught me the fullness of polyamory. You’ve given me part of my childhood back. You’ve given me a fist to lay next to mine. You’ve been there for me in so many ways, I cry with joy knowing your in my life.
And you are new. Fuck, I am so intrigued. So many shadows, so much light, so much pain, so much substance. So much fucking texture. Hell, I’m not sure I even know your birth sex. I’m pretty sure I don’t give a rats ass. In fact, I’m positive of that fact. I’ve shown you the weird, but healthy way I love.
And you! I love cuddling with you. I definitely feel loved in your presence. You feel like family to me. You treat me exactly how I want to be treated. You love me. You support me. You see me.
Loving all of you has taught me a lot about what’s important in life, and I appreciate that more than you know. More than you can know. I’m amazed at the kind of love I am able to give and to receive. I am hurt by you. I am content loving you. I am aching for you.
This, is living.
Recently, I was on a soap message board and an off topic post about “open marriage” came up. It reminded me that not everyone knows the difference between a polygamist and polyamorist. The following is what I wrote to the board.
There needs to be a distinction between polyamory and polygamy. Polyamory is about having loving relationships with multiple partners. Polygamy is about having multiple marriage partners.
I have no problem with polyamory ( I’m poly myself), but polygamy would be bad for the country, as it stands right now. You could marry 10 people and every one of those people could be carried on all your insurance policies. There are so many social welfare structures that would crumble due to the weight of the increases from polygamist families.
But, there is a VERY easy answer to all this. Get the government out of the business of regulating who can be a family and how they can be a family. Don’t support gay marriage? Marry a person of the opposite sex! Don’t support polygamy? Marry one person! The government has no constitutional mandate to regulate marriage in the first place.
Polyamory isn’t about swinging and it isn’t about cheating. You aren’t cheating if everyone knows what’s going on and communicates.
“I would never do that!”
Awesome! There are many things you do, that I would not. But your wants, prejudices, and desires, are just that… YOURS!
We claim to be over in Iraq spreading “freedom” but we don’t have it over here! Freedom as defined in the dictionary:
Freedom - the condition of being free; the power to act or speak or think without externally imposed restraints
IMO, if you aren’t harming a child, an animal, or another adult with your actions, then you should have the freedom to do as your own mind dictates! FREEDOM! Want to smoke cigarettes? Here’s a Newport! Pot? *horns* “Light up dude!” Prostitution? “Rock the van!” Marry a harem of ninja midget wrestlers if you want! Go wild!
*whew*
What you do with your body and your life, should be up to you… if you really believe in freedom. The question is, do you?
I had an unusual thing happen to me on Saturday night. I ended up camming with a couple, and the husband had no clue I was trans. When he was informed that I was trans, my first thought was “boy he’s gonna be pissed.” I believe he was quite surprised, but not pissed. I thought to myself, “god, they are both very attractive, and very cool.” Later, thinking more about it, I pondered if I could be with two people. In the past, this question was answered with an unequivocal NO!
I did a bit more research on the topic of polyamory. According to the polyamory.org website, “Polyamory means ‘loving more than one’. This love may be sexual, emotional, spiritual, or any combination thereof, according to the desires and agreements of the individuals involved, but you needn’t wear yourself out trying to fit fondness for apple pie, or filial piety, or a passion for the Saint Paul Saints baseball club into it. “Polyamorous” is also used as a descriptive term by people who are open to more than one relationship even if they are not currently involved in more than one.” I’ve been approached in the past by more than one couple wanting sex, and I flatly denied them. Why would I even be considering this now? The difference, in my mind, is that I’ve never been attracted to two people that have approached me. I might desire one, but the thought of tolerating the other turned me off completely. I had never thought or desired it myself, so I never really thought about why I wouldn’t do it. Sunday morning I sat and pondered just that. WHY NOT?
The reasons I found, truly frightened me. One reason I discovered was possessiveness. They should be mine, and only mine, I reasoned. In reality, we never own anyone except our self. Possessiveness is not a trait that is born out of love, but out of selfishness. If I truly love someone, should I deny his or her desires strictly out of my own possessiveness? The second reason is straight out jealousy, borne out of insecurity. If my partner is with someone else physically or mentally, how does that affect my life or my well being? In short, it doesn’t affect my life one bit. If it brings more happiness to my partner or my life, then that is a positive, is it not?
It’s not that I think that there is a very high probability of a poly relationship with this couple, but the incident just made me rethink my thoughts on the subject. Thanks you two. There is a reason I am attracted to both of you, you’re two awesome people that I’m glad have come into my life. Regardless of our future together, I’ve already won.
I guess I can be considered polyamorous now. Three cheers for me!
I’ve got a dirty little secret. Don’t tell anyone, but I’m an elitist snob. It’s no secret that I’m a polyamorist. What makes me a snob? There is a line of thought that says that polyamory is a choice, but no better or worse of a choice than monogamy. Hummmmmmmmmph! I can feel my nose elevating as we speak. If you follow that line of logic, polyamory is just a form oh hedonistic gluttony. It may be for some, but not for this high browed “lover of many.”
Sorry Monogamists, I think I’m better than you! As long as your reasoning for monogamy is built on ownership, property, territory or any other form of possessiveness, polyamory trumps monogamy. In any discussion I’ll put forth that polyamory is an advanced form of relationship bonding.
How so? Consider “storgie” or “motherly” love. There isn’t a cap on the amount of love a mother can give to her children. “Philos” or “brotherly love” doesn’t have a limit either. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Love of your fellow man typically isn’t bound by any sort of number. The common view of Eros or “intimate love” is distinct from the other loves, in that it can only be shared between two people. C.S. Lewis wrote in “The Four Loves” that “Eros love is a shadow of,
or even a hands-on preparatory exercise in, Agape love. But it is not and cannot deliver of itself the selfless type of love found in Agape, Godly love.” This limitation on love holds true under the context of monogamy. Polyamory turns that “limitation” of Eros love on its head.
I love “many” in a way that doesn’t have limits or caps. So if you see me walking down the street with my head back, my shoulders squared, and a warm smile on my face, you’ll know why.
Why? Because I’m better than you….