Makes Sense To Me

Check out this video: The Most Terrifying Video Youll Ever See

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Porn, I Knew It!

Ever have a feeling someone you knew was going to wind up in the pages of a 3rd rate porn magazine? Damn I’m freakin Sylvia Browne! I probably should go play the lottery now… I won’t be shocked to see her on Howard Stern, showing her tits.

Back in the day, before I really knew her, I liked her. But then I got to see inside her. She uses her body, her looks, and her charm to get what she wants. And then there’s the fact that she’s batshit crazy. I’m so glad that relationship went down the tubes….

I’ve been taught over and over again to look deeper inside someone before pursuing anything. Bat shit crazy aint fun.

Let me tell ya.

The Big Bang!

Today is started out with a bang! First I found my sweet love posted to her blog, calling me an “Angry Man Pretending to Be A Woman.”

Then I started digging through just about every post I could referring to this post on radical feminism vs. transgenderism. I didn’t read anything of it though, because there’s so much to read. The final file size on the text file: 1.8M. I really am going to try to be as open and focused on understanding all the arguments, even if I don’t agree with them. I think it’s important to dig at my own reasons for transitioning and how my thoughts on feminism play into that.

Then I found love again, in the man that is Richard Dawkins, with his website http://whydoesgodhateamputees.com/.

Then to top off a beautiful day, I go over to Daily Dose of Queer and see that Maria has a new logo:

You should add her to your newsreader. She’s spiffy and she’s also hosting this months edition of “The Carnival of Shoes and Bags.”

I’m really thinking about how lucky fortunate I am to be loved amazingly by V and R. I’m thankful for such a great son. I have many things to accomplish this year. Many things to laugh about this year. And Much loving.

Right now I’m posting this blog entry while listening to Coheed and Cambria’s “Wake Up.” Life is good. I’m already loving 2007.

An Apology To My Christian Friends

Writing a response to a hateful, bigoted blogger, the words of
Gandhi came to mind.

“I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians.”

“Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. I consider western Christianity in its practical working a negation of Christ’s Christianity.”

“It is my firm opinion that Europe does not represent the spirit of God or Christianity but the spirit of Satan. And Satan’s successes are the greatest when he appears with the name of God on his lips.”

The Christianity in this country that listens to Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, or Laura Ingraham; consumes popular culture like there is no tomorrow, supports the Iraq war, and votes for George Bush, are not Christians. They are like Saul before Damascus, a Pharisee. Christ said of the Pharisee:

“You make God’s law to mean nothing so you can keep your own laws! You are not true to yourselves! What Isaiah said about you was true. He said, ‘These people respect me with their mouth but their heart is far from me. They do not mean it in their hearts when they worship me. Their teachings are only the words of men.’”

If you’re going to judge me, judge my life, and try to subject me to your religious beliefs, how about you follow your own teachings? Hell, how about you KNOW your scripture, before trying to teach it to me?

To you that do follow the example of Christ, I apologize. I love you. I thought that anyone who claims to be a Christian, is a Christian. I’m sorry I’ve thrown you in with the American Pharisee’s. You walk the walk, and talk the talk. You live the word, and are a shining example of the Christ found in the Bible. I admire you, and your conviction even though I do not share it. If every confessed Christian was like you, this country would be heaven on earth.

Back and Forward:2006

It’s funny, I’m really looking past Christmas this year. I’m looking forward to 2007, and this 2006 shit hole of a year being over with. OK, it wasn’t THAT bad. It was just a year of extremes. It was the year that my cholesterol skyrocketed to 320, and my liver enzymes shot up to 290 (4 times the high normal value). It was the year I had my first surgery (gallbladder), albeit not the first one I wanted. It was the year i got stretch marks! *grumbles*

Now, I’m not gonna whine through this entire post. I got my podcast up and going, and am developing a second. Transadvocate.com is slowly becoming what I had dreamed, a community site. I feel like my posts to this blog have more depth, more texture, and more exposure. In the second half of the year, my writing has really taken off.

And then there is my love. I’ve never made a connection that’s so deep, so free, and so honest. Having V in my life, has been really sweet too. As I write this, she’s sleeping away in my bed. I’ve got so much ahead of me next year. Two writing projects, lots of blogging, and a ton of loving! For now, I’m just gonna go warm myself under the covers and snuggle…

and look forward, with hope.

Spring, Summer and Fall

So many relationships going so many different ways right now, in my life. You, for instance…I used to think that you were so much stronger, so much wiser, and so much more in control of your life. You used to chide me for not being able to deal with my own pain, live with my mistakes, and encouraged me to stop beating myself up. You told me you’d never seen polyamory work. I felt inferior to you in so many ways, barely worthy of your friendship. Now I see your latest post is nothing but a skip on a 45. I hear, I’m leaving, I’m leaving, I’m leaving. STFU and go then!

Seriously. I don’t know you. So many things I tried to learn from you, I’ve found that you haven’t fixed in your own world. Maybe that’s why you were so short with me. Maybe that’s why you can’t return my email, but I get a comment once or twice a year. Don’t bother,… I don’t know you and I no longer respect you.

And you, my love. You and yours have taught me the fullness of polyamory. You’ve given me part of my childhood back. You’ve given me a fist to lay next to mine. You’ve been there for me in so many ways, I cry with joy knowing your in my life.

And you are new. Fuck, I am so intrigued. So many shadows, so much light, so much pain, so much substance. So much fucking texture. Hell, I’m not sure I even know your birth sex. I’m pretty sure I don’t give a rats ass. In fact, I’m positive of that fact. I’ve shown you the weird, but healthy way I love.

And you! I love cuddling with you. I definitely feel loved in your presence. You feel like family to me. You treat me exactly how I want to be treated. You love me. You support me. You see me.

Loving all of you has taught me a lot about what’s important in life, and I appreciate that more than you know. More than you can know. I’m amazed at the kind of love I am able to give and to receive. I am hurt by you. I am content loving you. I am aching for you.

This, is living.

Still Right On The Money

Bill Hicks is still relevant today.

It’s just a ride, and we can change it any time we want. It’s only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money, a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.I’m gonna share with you a vision that I had, cause I love you. And you feel it. You know all that money we spend on nuclear weapons and defence each year, trillions of dollars, correct? Instead… just play with this… if we spent that money feeding and clothing the poor of the world, and it would pay for it many times over, not one human being excluded and we can explore space together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.

Scrappy Doo, Where Are You?

Speaking of Daphne, I talked to her on Friday. Daphne as been around my LJ for a pretty long time. She’s just as I thought she’d be, funny, witty, and full of passion (and other expandables). What I realized is that she shares something with my Second Life love, R. R and J (R’s husband) probably wouldn’t find much in common with Daphne and her husband. What similarity do I see in both couples?

In every picture, story, or mention, you can see the love, the companionship, and friendship just pouring out. I don’t know her husband well, but anyone that dresses up like one of Mario Brothers for the fun of it, I have an automatic affinity for. The commonality I felt with both couples are:

Contentment. Laughter. Playfulness. Smiles. Joy. Gratefulness. Depth. A genuine sweetness. Most of all, I felt a very giving, trusting, and open love.

I never really put this together until last night, while hanging out with R&J. I realized that this kind of love of life and person, I’ve not felt those feelings since I was a kid. The family alcoholism, the drama marriages, and many other painful traumas have caused me to stop believing in that such relationships exist. I’ve hardened my heart to the possibility, frankly. I’m thankful that both R and Daphne are in my consciousness right now, to shine as examples of this kind of love.

R, is really the genesis of this introspective moment. I won’t really discuss the event that made this come to light, because it’s highly personal and frankly too intimate for me to feel comfortable sharing here. I can say that she peered into my soul and poured her heart out to me in such a beautiful gift. I will treasure that gift for the rest of my life.

I have to wonder if the lack of belief has caused me to seek out love that was negative and co-dependent instead of their kind of love? I’m not really sure, but it’s something I keep rolling over in my head. I get the feeling that my movement toward a life of positive growth has allowed me see their examples.

Regardless, I’m grateful for you both. You bring me hope.

At Times, Being Queer Is A Blessing… My Chosen Family

Three people in my life, are family to me… but they’re not! Confused? Most of the readers of this blog aren’t, because they know the isolation and the rejection that most GLBT people feel at some point in their queer experience. If you don’t have accepting people in your life, you find and connect with others that do accept and love you. With that explanation I’d like to introduce you to my chosen family.

Ethan St. Pierre

My chosen brother, Ethan has been through just about every trial I’ve gone through. He truly is the best friend I’ve ever had. He is my rock, my fellow activist, and the person who I trust more than anyone else in the world. He’s proven his love for me in action, and words. I’m grateful that he’s a part of my family.

Jennifer Perdue aka “Peg Leg Hooker”

This bitch has met Ron Jeremy in his hotel room, trolloped with me through graveyards and abandoned insane asylums, and had midnight discussions at the IHOP at 16th and Meridian. She’s someone that’s always stood by me no matter what. We’ve gone through so much crap together, she’s seen sides of me that no one else has (or probably wants to). I could never stop being friends with Jennifer, she knows where I buried the bodies!!!!!

Aida

Aida’s my spiritual twin. We connect in a way that I’ve never connected with another human. Many times we go through quite similar phases or feelings, without knowing it! She’s actually the genesis of this post. She made a comment about me feeling like a sister. That feeling is 100 percent mutual. I don’t know what connects us, but I trust in it 100 percent.

Through the years, I’ve had quite a few people come and go in my life. These three people have been there solidly for me. Ethan, Jennifer, and Aida, I love you. You ARE my family. I’m blessed to have you in my life.

P.S. In a bit of synchronicity, I had my mp3 player on random and a song that came on fit my feelings perfectly.