Marti Abernathey

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“‘It is important for transsexuals to look beautiful as they consider themselves female,’ said Sulastri Ariffin, co-ordinator of the transsexual programme at PT Foundation, an organisation that provides support, education and counselling to transsexuals, drug users and sex workers. She said transsexuals would go straight for branded cosmetics, such as Elizabeth Arden and Christian Dior. ‘We do not care about the price of make-up as we want to look great, just like normal women,’ she said.” - New Straits Times Online

What the fuck? First of all, most transsexual women I know can’t afford such high price cosmetics. Hell, most I know are just trying to keep their jobs, housing, and sheltering themselves from violence. Furthermore, speaking for transsexuals without making the distinction between M2F’s and F2M’s is rude and inherently sexist. I don’t know any F2M’s that buy makeup, much less high end makeup.

Secondly, does that mean that women that don’t wear makeup don’t “look great?” Some of the most beautiful women don’t wear makeup. I consider myself femme, but I don’t think applying makeup, by itself, makes me beautiful.

What crap.

Ever have a feeling someone you knew was going to wind up in the pages of a 3rd rate porn magazine? Damn I’m freakin Sylvia Browne! I probably should go play the lottery now… I won’t be shocked to see her on Howard Stern, showing her tits.

Back in the day, before I really knew her, I liked her. But then I got to see inside her. She uses her body, her looks, and her charm to get what she wants. And then there’s the fact that she’s batshit crazy. I’m so glad that relationship went down the tubes….

I’ve been taught over and over again to look deeper inside someone before pursuing anything. Bat shit crazy aint fun.

Let me tell ya.

Today is started out with a bang! First I found my sweet love posted to her blog, calling me an “Angry Man Pretending to Be A Woman.”

Then I started digging through just about every post I could referring to this post on radical feminism vs. transgenderism. I didn’t read anything of it though, because there’s so much to read. The final file size on the text file: 1.8M. I really am going to try to be as open and focused on understanding all the arguments, even if I don’t agree with them. I think it’s important to dig at my own reasons for transitioning and how my thoughts on feminism play into that.

Then I found love again, in the man that is Richard Dawkins, with his website http://whydoesgodhateamputees.com/.

Then to top off a beautiful day, I go over to Daily Dose of Queer and see that Maria has a new logo:

You should add her to your newsreader. She’s spiffy and she’s also hosting this months edition of “The Carnival of Shoes and Bags.”

I’m really thinking about how lucky fortunate I am to be loved amazingly by V and R. I’m thankful for such a great son. I have many things to accomplish this year. Many things to laugh about this year. And Much loving.

Right now I’m posting this blog entry while listening to Coheed and Cambria’s “Wake Up.” Life is good. I’m already loving 2007.

Writing a response to a hateful, bigoted blogger, the words of
Gandhi came to mind.

“I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians.”

“Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. I consider western Christianity in its practical working a negation of Christ’s Christianity.”

“It is my firm opinion that Europe does not represent the spirit of God or Christianity but the spirit of Satan. And Satan’s successes are the greatest when he appears with the name of God on his lips.”

The Christianity in this country that listens to Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, or Laura Ingraham; consumes popular culture like there is no tomorrow, supports the Iraq war, and votes for George Bush, are not Christians. They are like Saul before Damascus, a Pharisee. Christ said of the Pharisee:

“You make God’s law to mean nothing so you can keep your own laws! You are not true to yourselves! What Isaiah said about you was true. He said, ‘These people respect me with their mouth but their heart is far from me. They do not mean it in their hearts when they worship me. Their teachings are only the words of men.’”

If you’re going to judge me, judge my life, and try to subject me to your religious beliefs, how about you follow your own teachings? Hell, how about you KNOW your scripture, before trying to teach it to me?

To you that do follow the example of Christ, I apologize. I love you. I thought that anyone who claims to be a Christian, is a Christian. I’m sorry I’ve thrown you in with the American Pharisee’s. You walk the walk, and talk the talk. You live the word, and are a shining example of the Christ found in the Bible. I admire you, and your conviction even though I do not share it. If every confessed Christian was like you, this country would be heaven on earth.

It’s funny, I’m really looking past Christmas this year. I’m looking forward to 2007, and this 2006 shit hole of a year being over with. OK, it wasn’t THAT bad. It was just a year of extremes. It was the year that my cholesterol skyrocketed to 320, and my liver enzymes shot up to 290 (4 times the high normal value). It was the year I had my first surgery (gallbladder), albeit not the first one I wanted. It was the year i got stretch marks! *grumbles*

Now, I’m not gonna whine through this entire post. I got my podcast up and going, and am developing a second. Transadvocate.com is slowly becoming what I had dreamed, a community site. I feel like my posts to this blog have more depth, more texture, and more exposure. In the second half of the year, my writing has really taken off.

And then there is my love. I’ve never made a connection that’s so deep, so free, and so honest. Having V in my life, has been really sweet too. As I write this, she’s sleeping away in my bed. I’ve got so much ahead of me next year. Two writing projects, lots of blogging, and a ton of loving! For now, I’m just gonna go warm myself under the covers and snuggle…

and look forward, with hope.

So many relationships going so many different ways right now, in my life. You, for instance…I used to think that you were so much stronger, so much wiser, and so much more in control of your life. You used to chide me for not being able to deal with my own pain, live with my mistakes, and encouraged me to stop beating myself up. You told me you’d never seen polyamory work. I felt inferior to you in so many ways, barely worthy of your friendship. Now I see your latest post is nothing but a skip on a 45. I hear, I’m leaving, I’m leaving, I’m leaving. STFU and go then!

Seriously. I don’t know you. So many things I tried to learn from you, I’ve found that you haven’t fixed in your own world. Maybe that’s why you were so short with me. Maybe that’s why you can’t return my email, but I get a comment once or twice a year. Don’t bother,… I don’t know you and I no longer respect you.

And you, my love. You and yours have taught me the fullness of polyamory. You’ve given me part of my childhood back. You’ve given me a fist to lay next to mine. You’ve been there for me in so many ways, I cry with joy knowing your in my life.

And you are new. Fuck, I am so intrigued. So many shadows, so much light, so much pain, so much substance. So much fucking texture. Hell, I’m not sure I even know your birth sex. I’m pretty sure I don’t give a rats ass. In fact, I’m positive of that fact. I’ve shown you the weird, but healthy way I love.

And you! I love cuddling with you. I definitely feel loved in your presence. You feel like family to me. You treat me exactly how I want to be treated. You love me. You support me. You see me.

Loving all of you has taught me a lot about what’s important in life, and I appreciate that more than you know. More than you can know. I’m amazed at the kind of love I am able to give and to receive. I am hurt by you. I am content loving you. I am aching for you.

This, is living.

It looks like Chicago makes the most sense.

Recently, I was on a soap message board and an off topic post about “open marriage” came up. It reminded me that not everyone knows the difference between a polygamist and polyamorist. The following is what I wrote to the board.

There needs to be a distinction between polyamory and polygamy. Polyamory is about having loving relationships with multiple partners. Polygamy is about having multiple marriage partners.

I have no problem with polyamory ( I’m poly myself), but polygamy would be bad for the country, as it stands right now. You could marry 10 people and every one of those people could be carried on all your insurance policies. There are so many social welfare structures that would crumble due to the weight of the increases from polygamist families.

But, there is a VERY easy answer to all this. Get the government out of the business of regulating who can be a family and how they can be a family. Don’t support gay marriage? Marry a person of the opposite sex! Don’t support polygamy? Marry one person! The government has no constitutional mandate to regulate marriage in the first place.

Polyamory isn’t about swinging and it isn’t about cheating. You aren’t cheating if everyone knows what’s going on and communicates.

“I would never do that!”

Awesome! There are many things you do, that I would not. But your wants, prejudices, and desires, are just that… YOURS!

We claim to be over in Iraq spreading “freedom” but we don’t have it over here! Freedom as defined in the dictionary:

Freedom - the condition of being free; the power to act or speak or think without externally imposed restraints

IMO, if you aren’t harming a child, an animal, or another adult with your actions, then you should have the freedom to do as your own mind dictates! FREEDOM! Want to smoke cigarettes? Here’s a Newport! Pot? *horns* “Light up dude!” Prostitution? “Rock the van!” Marry a harem of ninja midget wrestlers if you want! Go wild!

*whew*

What you do with your body and your life, should be up to you… if you really believe in freedom. The question is, do you?

Because of a tranny, I’m going home to Pine Valley. It’s been a long time (five years) since I’ve been to Pine Valley. Memories swim through my head of my friend Nina’s marriage to Cliff, Tad “The Cad” Martin, and that lovely old woman who owns the city’s boarding house, Myrtle Fargat.

Where is Pine Valley, exactly? It’s on television, of course. Modeled after the Philadelphia Main Line, Pine Valley is the backdrop for ABC’s daytime soap, All My Children (AMC).

Much of the bonding that my sister and I did, was in front of the tube, knee deep in the drama of Pine Valley’s most notorious characters. My obsession didn’t end with my childhood. Over the next 30 years I visited often, keeping tabs on the goings on, since I last visited. Even in marriage, I found a someone to share my love of AMC with. Deborah was even more addicted to AMC, than I. When our relationship went sour, I found watching my favorite soap was a constant reminder of days spent with my ex-wife. In my pain, I quietly slipped away from Pine Valley, seemingly forever.

But that was yesterday. ABC recently announced that it will introduce a transgender character on the show. The character, flamboyant rock star, Zarf, will transition from male to female on the show.

Some in the transgender community have voiced concerns that AMC will take this opportunity to exploit the topic in an attempt to gain ratings. It is true that AMC has declined in the ratings from 8.2 million in 1991-92 to 3.1 million last year. But the folks over at ABC are showing signs that they are serious about exploring the trans experience. They’ve consulted with GLAAD and even brought transgender consultants.

Also, Actor Jeffrey Carlson, is saying all the right things to reassure the community. In an interview with the Associated Press he spoke to his fears of representing the transgender community. Carlson said “I worry about missing something, but I guess that would be the same with any character. I want the ‘All My Children’ audience to go along.
It’s not for shock value. It’s just another person whose story is being told in Pine Valley.”

Personally, I’m excited at the thought of AMC taking on this topic. Our struggle doesn’t get a lot of light in the media. This role could be even more significant than last years surprise hit, TransAmerica. Daytime soap operas connect their viewers in a way that can only be done with characters they see every day. Anyone that watched TransAmerica did so with the specific knowledge that the plot was going revolve around the life of a transperson. But this is a great opportunity to show our struggle to people that may be resistant, even hostile, to our cause. Over time it’s very possible that the viewers will develop an affinity for her, and open their hearts and minds.

I know I’ve got my fingers crossed. Oh, and I’ve got a date on Thursday with my TV set. I’ll let ya all know what I think.