I can hardly write this post without writhing in disgust. Right Wing talk show host, Glenn Beck, recently compared Hillary Clinton’s comment on the need for health care reform to the genocide perpetrated by the Adolph Hitler and the Nazi death machine. What could Clinton say to bring comparisons to Adolph Hitler?
“But the whole issue of health care is coming back. That may be a bad dream for some, but for others, it’s a very welcome possibility, because we are on an unsustainable course. I think that we have to come up with a uniquely American solution.”
Some pretty controversial stuff there! These right wing talking heads are the first ones to criticize movie stars for speaking out on topics they have no educational background on, yet these same hacks will make outrageous statements when a politician dares to say there is a problem with our health care system.
“Of all the forms of inequality, injustice in health care is the most shocking and inhumane.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.
I laugh at that quote, considering the National Black Republican Association has made a ludicrous claim that Martin Luther King, Jr. was a Republican. 46 MILLION people are without health insurance. Those that have coverage are paying more money for less benefit. Is that the “Dream” that King spoke to the nation about?
So I ask you, who’s more like the Nazi’s, Glenn Beck or Hilary Clinton? If the US has a “Ministry of Public Enlightenment and Propaganda,” Beck is definitely an officer. He spews rhetoric and propaganda without any kind of moral or intellectual basis for his arguments. In that vein, he reminds me of Lewis Prothero, from “V for Vendetta:”
“Here was a country that had everything, absolutely everything. And now, 20 years later, is what? The world’s biggest leper colony. Why? Godlessness. Let me say that again… Godlessness. It wasn’t the war they started. It wasn’t the plague they created. It was Judgement. No one escapes their past. No one escapes Judgement. You think he’s not up there? You think he’s not watching over this country? How else can you explain it? He tested us, but we came through. We did what we had to do. Islington. Enfield. I was there, I saw it all. Immigrants, Muslims, homosexuals, terrorists. Disease-ridden degenerates. They had to go. Strength through unity. Unity through faith.”
The scary part is that he still has a voice, an audience, a fan base. The election this year gave me hope, hope for change. But as long as assholes like Glenn Beck have a podium at which they can spew this baseless rhetoric around, our country is at risk.
Hillary Clinton is by no means a friend of progressives, but the people like Glenn Beck are definitely the mouthpiece of the enemy.
It’s just a ride, and we can change it any time we want. It’s only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money, a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.I’m gonna share with you a vision that I had, cause I love you. And you feel it. You know all that money we spend on nuclear weapons and defence each year, trillions of dollars, correct? Instead… just play with this… if we spent that money feeding and clothing the poor of the world, and it would pay for it many times over, not one human being excluded and we can explore space together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.
Speaking of Daphne, I talked to her on Friday. Daphne as been around my LJ for a pretty long time. She’s just as I thought she’d be, funny, witty, and full of passion (and other expandables). What I realized is that she shares something with my Second Life love, R. R and J (R’s husband) probably wouldn’t find much in common with Daphne and her husband. What similarity do I see in both couples?
In every picture, story, or mention, you can see the love, the companionship, and friendship just pouring out. I don’t know her husband well, but anyone that dresses up like one of Mario Brothers for the fun of it, I have an automatic affinity for. The commonality I felt with both couples are:
Contentment. Laughter. Playfulness. Smiles. Joy. Gratefulness. Depth. A genuine sweetness. Most of all, I felt a very giving, trusting, and open love.
I never really put this together until last night, while hanging out with R&J. I realized that this kind of love of life and person, I’ve not felt those feelings since I was a kid. The family alcoholism, the drama marriages, and many other painful traumas have caused me to stop believing in that such relationships exist. I’ve hardened my heart to the possibility, frankly. I’m thankful that both R and Daphne are in my consciousness right now, to shine as examples of this kind of love.
R, is really the genesis of this introspective moment. I won’t really discuss the event that made this come to light, because it’s highly personal and frankly too intimate for me to feel comfortable sharing here. I can say that she peered into my soul and poured her heart out to me in such a beautiful gift. I will treasure that gift for the rest of my life.
I have to wonder if the lack of belief has caused me to seek out love that was negative and co-dependent instead of their kind of love? I’m not really sure, but it’s something I keep rolling over in my head. I get the feeling that my movement toward a life of positive growth has allowed me see their examples.
Regardless, I’m grateful for you both. You bring me hope.
Three people in my life, are family to me… but they’re not! Confused? Most of the readers of this blog aren’t, because they know the isolation and the rejection that most GLBT people feel at some point in their queer experience. If you don’t have accepting people in your life, you find and connect with others that do accept and love you. With that explanation I’d like to introduce you to my chosen family.
Ethan St. Pierre
My chosen brother, Ethan has been through just about every trial I’ve gone through. He truly is the best friend I’ve ever had. He is my rock, my fellow activist, and the person who I trust more than anyone else in the world. He’s proven his love for me in action, and words. I’m grateful that he’s a part of my family.
Jennifer Perdue aka “Peg Leg Hooker”
This bitch has met Ron Jeremy in his hotel room, trolloped with me through graveyards and abandoned insane asylums, and had midnight discussions at the IHOP at 16th and Meridian. She’s someone that’s always stood by me no matter what. We’ve gone through so much crap together, she’s seen sides of me that no one else has (or probably wants to). I could never stop being friends with Jennifer, she knows where I buried the bodies!!!!!
Aida
Aida’s my spiritual twin. We connect in a way that I’ve never connected with another human. Many times we go through quite similar phases or feelings, without knowing it! She’s actually the genesis of this post. She made a comment about me feeling like a sister. That feeling is 100 percent mutual. I don’t know what connects us, but I trust in it 100 percent.
Through the years, I’ve had quite a few people come and go in my life. These three people have been there solidly for me. Ethan, Jennifer, and Aida, I love you. You ARE my family. I’m blessed to have you in my life.
P.S. In a bit of synchronicity, I had my mp3 player on random and a song that came on fit my feelings perfectly.
Weezer - My Best Friend
When everything is wrong I’ll come talk to you
You make things alright when I’m feeling blue
You are such a blessing and I wont be messing
With the one thing that brings light to all of my darkness
You’re my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do
There is no other one who can take your place
I feel happy inside when I see your face
I hope you believe me
Cause I speak sincerely
and I mean it when I tell you that I need you
You’re my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do
I’m here right beside you
I will never leave you
and I feel the pain you feel when you start crying
You’re my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do
You’re my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do
Yes I do…
Yes I do
Honestly, all this Reagan worship freaks me the hell out. Thousands of folks line the street for a man they didn’t know? Weird. The only way thing I can even remotely relate to is a twinge of sorrow I felt during Lady Di’s funeral, but that was because she was such a humanitarian. I didn’t know her, and honestly, her death hasn’t had a lasting effect on me at all.
Really, the only famous person I ever really grieved for in death was Kevyn Aucoin. In life, he inspired me with his wit and wisdom, not only about makeup, but also about life. He was truly a gay hero that had the most gentle spirit and huge heart that was evident in his books, advocacy, and writings.
Kevyn spoke to me to the core of my essence when he wrote “Today, I see beauty everywhere I go, in every face I see, in every single soul. And sometimes, even in myself.” Since his death, he has inspired me to try and follow his “path of enlightenment” concerning myself and how I treat others. If I had to choose to be remembered in the spirit of Reagan or Aucoin, it’s a no brainer. I want to be remembered as someone who loved life and the people close to me wholeheartedly.
Yahoo News ran a story about Smarty Jones that stated, “By then the backyard was in near-silence. There were tears on little girls’ cheeks and expletives shouted into the air and big, strong guys with their heads buried in their calloused hands.” Later the news piece stated, “Smarty was the people’s horse. Smarty was the people’s champion.”
Am I the only one that thinks this is pathetic? CRYING? It’s a goddamn horse race! I think the authorities should be summoned to the park and the parents arrested for neglect. Anyone that would immerse their kids into horse racing and then take them to the track should spend time in jail.
Hero worship of a horse…
Land of the free, home of the fat, ignorant, and pathetic.
The Loss of Innocence
aftermath of the affair
by Kelly O’ferrell
“This is not the face of an ingenue; this is an old soul in a new body- wary, wise to her own long past, on to the wiles of the world, and having miles to go before she sleeps.”-Sarah Ban Breathnach
I stood one day and listened as a co-worker told me about her new girlfriend. They’ve been friends for three years, were mutually attracted to one another, but never single at the same time. Now, finally, they are both single and have started dating-and everything that comes along with
dating!!
“I think I’ve finally found the one I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.” she said. Suddenly, I felt my body rip down the middle. “The one forever,” is what I heard her say. Those words were vibrating in the room.
I wanted to run from the room. But first, I wanted to grab her and scream “THERE IS NO FOREVER!!” Stop looking forward to forever with this woman. Wake up now before you get hurt.!” She was pouring salt in a wound that had almost healed up. I had almost forgotten that forever isnt real. About two years ago I heard the words, “I’ve had an affair.” I wasnt expecting to hear those words - not from her. I had always heard, “You couldnt sandblast me out of this relationship and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” I didnt live my life wondering if, when, who, where.
All my co-worker heard from me was, “That’s really nice.” All she saw was me smiling as she continued telling me about her new love. I had to ask her: “Have you ever been in a relationship where someone had an affair?” I wanted to know to what extent her history has shaped her belief in forever. I just wanted to know that if the answer was yes AND she still believed in forever, then maybe she could tell me how I could believe in forever again too. “No,” she said, “but there was one girlfriend
who I still believe had an affair but she denies it to this day.”
“Just for today, Kelly” someone `reminded me. “Just for today you can believe her.” She was telling me that I could believe in my new girlfriend. “There was no guarantee of forever in your last relationship
even when you believed there was.” Even in my innocence, the truth was there. I asked my friend Betsy, if she believes she’s with Anna “forever”. I know she loves Anna very much. And she knows the truth too. “The possibilities are endless,” she said. “And I know that I want to do whatever I have to do to stay with Anna.” Anna just looked at me, laughed and said, “You’re making my stomach hurt!” I wonder if I will ever feel - what? Like I did before? No, I will not feel like that again. There’s something about ‘going back’ thats unsettling. So I guess I will feel something new. But why does that thought
leave me feeling a little sad?
I talked to my friend, Jaime, about this concept of going back. “Back to what,” I asked him. “Back to innocence?” No. We couldnt find the word. “Here’s another word for innocence,” he said, “unconscious. And here’s another one - ingenue. It means a naive girl or young woman.”
Interesting. As a child, an ingenue, I was unconscious because of my limited experiences. I thought that my pets would live forever, that my family and friends would always be there. I had no experience of death and in my case, no family members divorcing.
And then, as I grew older, I began to have experiences - my pets died, my grandparents died. When I was in college, a friend who was 18 years old was killed going home from work when he fell asleep at the wheel. When I was 24, I went through a divorce with a man I didnt really plan on spending my life with. Someone I did plan on spending the rest of my life with left and I didnt see it coming. And then there was the sickening feeling of hearing, “and I’ve had an affair.” I’ve since watched friends and family battle cancer and heart attacks and survive. And, as I continued to grow older, I watched my friends parents die. And as sad and scary as all of that is, it increases my consciousness to be mindful that the people, pets, and things in my life are as temporary as my last breath.
No. Im not interested in going back - back to being unconscious. I know that pain and joy are equal ingredients that have made my life , the paths I have taken, a more conscious, wonderful journey. If the chances of a relationship staying are there too. the possibilities really are endless.
Just for today I am dating a woman that I like very much. Just for today, I love my life with my friends and my dog Lucy. I do not know what my life will be like tomorrow. The loss of innocence is a process of growing older, an increase in awareness comes whether I’m ready or not.
Two years ago, I did not know when I woke up that morning, that my life would be so painfully, radically different before I went to sleep that night. I did not know that what happened in that one day - when I was told about what had happened- would change how I felt forever.
Ah, there it is again - forever. Apparently, sometimes, in my innocence I still believe in forever. But, not this time. No. I will not give her affair that much power. Thats my part - how how I choose to let it shape my future relationships. So, just for today, especially with my girlfriend Holly, I will believe….
My chosen brother, Ethan has been through just about every trial I’ve gone through. He truly is the best friend I’ve ever had. He is my rock, my fellow activist, and the person who I trust more than anyone else in the world. He’s proven his love for me in action, and words. I’m grateful that he’s a part of my family.
