Marti Abernathey

They’re Not Mad About Losing PvP, They’re Mad About Losing Their Targets

Thu, 15 Oct 2026 18:39:56 +0100

The Entitlement to Ruin Someone Else’s Game: ARC Raiders and the PvE Toggle

I’ve noticed something happening in ARC Raiders during Embark Studios' trial of its new PvE toggle. Some players seem to feel entitled to make other people miserable.

A little history

ARC Raiders didn’t start life as the PvPvE extraction shooter it is today. When Embark Studios first revealed the game in 2021, it was pitched as a co-op PvE game where squads teamed up to take down giant machines. Then, during development, the studio decided the game simply wasn’t fun enough, delayed it, and pivoted to PvPvE. The thinking was that the threat of other players, and the chance of losing everything you’d looted, would add the tension the game was missing.

The game launched on 30 October 2025, and it found a huge audience, many of whom had no interest in shooting other people. Players nicknamed it the “Extraction (Don’t) Shooter,” and plenty of them have been asking for a PvE-only option ever since.

Embark listened

In September, Embark announced a one-week PvE toggle test running from 13 to 20 October 2026. Their own data was hard to ignore: 37% of players fall into the “friendly co-op” group, a share that has grown steadily since launch, while pure PvP players make up 34% and have stayed flat. More than half of surveyed players said they wanted a dedicated PvE option. Even 40% of the pure PvP players said they wanted fewer hostile encounters.

So for one week, players can choose between the classic PvPvE experience and a mode with zero player-to-player damage. PvE comes with reduced loot, and some high-tension content stays PvPvE-only. Nobody’s PvP experience is being taken away.

And yet…

Now you have people making posts like this one on Reddit, from a player with more than 700 hours in the game who says the PvE mode has them thinking about quitting.

To be fair to them, they don’t describe themselves as a PvP hunter. They say they mostly play peacefully, but they love the risk of running into someone hostile. Their complaint is that since the toggle went live, the friendly players are moving to PvE, and the normal lobbies have become noticeably more aggressive. They tried PvE and found it boring. What they want is a world full of friendly players where a fight could break out at any moment.

But read that again. The thing they’re mourning is the presence of players who would rather not be in that fight at all. Those players were never there because they wanted the risk. They were there because, until this week, there was nowhere else to go. Give them a choice, and many of them take it. That isn’t the PvE mode breaking the game. That’s people finally getting to say what they actually wanted.

Then the post takes a darker turn. The author says they’re frustrated enough to want to make life difficult for people in PvE mode, and to encourage others to do the same, so the mode disappears as quickly as possible.

That’s the part that bothers me. Not “I’ll keep playing the mode I like.” Not “I’ll make the case to the developers.” It’s: I’ll harass the people who opted out, until their option is taken away.

Gearing up on someone else’s peace

Another Reddit user was honest about it. They’ve spent the last few days in the friendly, low-risk lobbies, on their best behaviour, levelling up their gunsmith and research benches. Now that the upgrades are done, they’re ready to go back to shooting players. They’re already picking their moment, the Frigate, where they want to snipe at the Raiders below and cause panic. And they’re pretty sure plenty of other PvP players are doing the same thing.

Sit with that for a second. The peaceful spaces in this game exist for people who want to play without being hunted. Some PvP players are using those spaces to safely build up their gear, and then taking that gear straight back to the people they were just pretending to get along with.

They want the safety when it benefits them, and the right to take it away from everyone else when it doesn’t.

“It’s bad for the long-term health of the game”

One argument I keep hearing comes from streamers. LoochyTV, whose content I genuinely enjoy, has said more than once on stream that a PvE mode isn’t good for the long-term health of ARC Raiders.

I think that’s copium, and Embark’s own numbers say so. Friendly co-op players are now the single largest group in the game, and that group has been growing steadily since launch. Pure PvP players haven’t grown at all. More than half of surveyed players want a dedicated PvE option.

If the fastest-growing part of your player base keeps getting shot by the part that isn’t growing, that’s the long-term health problem. Giving those players a place to stay is how you keep them.

Fun to watch isn’t the same as fun to play

I also think there’s an honest reason streamers feel this way, and it’s not a bad one: PvE is boring to watch. Nobody tunes in to see someone loot a building in peace and walk out. The tension, the ambushes, the last-second extractions, the betrayals: that’s what makes good content.

I’m living proof. I watch Loochy’s PvP. I enjoy it. But when I sit down at night to play with my friends and my wife, I don’t want to be somebody’s content. I want to spend an evening together fighting the ARC, not lose an hour’s progress to a squad that’s been hunting peaceful players all session.

Those are two different experiences, and both are valid. But the health of a game is measured by the people playing it, not just the people watching. A mode that keeps players like me logging in doesn’t take anything away from streamers who’d rather fight. It just means the people they’re fighting actually chose to be there.

We’ve seen this before

All of this reminds me of Twitter, back before Elon Musk bought it. In 2015, Twitter added the ability to export and import block lists, building on community tools like Block Together. People facing harassment, very much including trans people, could share lists of known abusers and block them all at once.

And some people got furious, as though being blocked was an attack on their free speech. As if they had a right to an audience that didn’t want them.

That attitude was so common it got its own name, thanks to David Malki’s 2014 Wondermark comic, The Terrible Sea Lion. “Sealioning” came to describe someone who forces themselves into a conversation uninvited, then acts wounded when they’re told to leave.

The same entitlement, different arena

That’s exactly what this feels like. These players aren’t complaining about losing PvP. PvP is still right there, full of people who want it. They’re complaining about losing access to people who didn’t want the fight, and about losing an easy way to make their own game better at someone else’s expense.

They don’t want to engage in PvP with people who want to engage in it. They want to force it on players who don’t. And when those players are finally given a way out, some of them would rather harass them until the door closes again.

A PvE toggle doesn’t take anything away from people who love PvP. It only takes away their access to people who never consented to the fight. If that’s what you’re upset about, it was never really about the game.

59 Candles, 40 Years in Radiology, and Zero Fear of What's Next

Sun, 11 Oct 2026 12:51:10 +0100

Image by DesignByDessie from Pixabay

My 59th birthday is coming up this week, and I have a lot to reflect on. Being a radiographer has given me the gift of knowing, on an everyday basis, that life can end in an instant. More than that, it’s shown me that it will end for all of us.

I’ve always half-joked that I’d like to cryogenically freeze my head. I think humans, if we don’t destroy ourselves first, will eventually be able to replicate themselves—think of it like a Dollhouse-type world. Memories are like videos stored on servers, except our servers are our brains. At some point soon, I believe we’ll figure out how that storage works and be able to transfer that data onto servers. I do think that will be possible soon—just not in my lifetime. Maybe my son’s, but not mine. I say it half-jokingly because I’ll never be able to afford it anyway; it’s massively expensive.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been compiling a list of people from my high school who have died—people I once shared space with, 40 years ago. They had families, they had lives, and then they didn’t. Some died last year; some died in 1991. This is coming for me, and it’s coming for all of us. There’s no avoiding it.

Another gift from the career I chose is that I don’t fear death, or what comes after it (which is nothingness). Religion and the idea of an afterlife are things humans created once we became conscious, as a way to cope with our own mortality. When I say I don’t fear death, I mean I don’t fear what comes after. I certainly fear the process of dying—I’ve seen so much suffering there, in 40 years working in healthcare. But I know what comes after death: it’s the same as what came before birth. I didn’t exist then, and I won’t exist afterward in the same way. The only thing that will carry me forward is the memory of me held by the people who know and love me. But I’m no longer worried about something I can neither control nor avoid.

Between now and the end, I’m going to do as much living as possible. I’m going to try to be as present as I can, and to feel grateful in each moment.

Stop Gatekeeping Queerness Like You're Auditioning for the Conservatives You Hate

Mon, 07 Sep 2026 13:07:11 +0100

A lesbian writer who used to be a mutual of mine on several social media sites back in the 2000s turned up in a Gmail search. (I’m currently going through gigabytes of old emails and mass-deleting in preparation for shutting the account down entirely.) Curious, since I hadn’t heard that name in years, I looked up her socials. What do you know: TERF. “Why I’m Not Going to Pride” posts, complete with mentions of trans people and other queers as the reason why. Shocker.

On that note, I’m tired of people who center themselves as the definition of an identity and then gatekeep everyone else out of it. The last few days, the target has been lesbians. One person claimed that “real” lesbianism means never having been attracted to a person of the opposite sex, ever, and that people in twenty-year WLW relationships aren’t lesbians in that context if they were previously in a heterosexual relationship. What in the unholy gold-star-lesbian hell is this? Gatekeeping identity is ignorant. Y’all sound like the conservatives you marched in Pride to counterprotest.

Maybe it’s because I grew into my queerness around the foundational idea of the trans umbrella that I have a wider picture of what community boundaries — and gatekeeping them — actually entails. Maybe it’s because, even though my gender identity is fairly binary, I live in this body, and that gives me a wider vantage point too. There are times I feel like non-binary-identifying people take up too much space in trans spaces while ignoring their own cis privilege. But I would never say, “You’re not transgender, get out of my community.”

So what in the Milo Yiannopoulos are you doing? Sexual orientation isn’t a binary, and it never has been. I understand wanting to say “it’s not a choice,” but that framing isn’t healthy — it’s a fear- or shame-based response. The science on sexual orientation points to a mix of explanations, some social, some biological. But again, fixating on that origin story isn’t healthy either. What actually makes an orientation or relationship dynamic unhealthy is a lack of consent. Outside of that, all choices are morally equal.

Over time, I’ve realized that my own orientation is basically what people today call gynesexual: attraction to femininity, regardless of the sex of the person expressing it. I’ve genuinely wanted to be attracted to certain masculine men who were attracted to me, but it just wasn’t there. So I get the impulse to say it isn’t “a choice.” But I’m also not saying it’s strictly biological.Femininity itself is a social construct, built on layers of tradition and social expectation.

“Sexual orientation” is a big tent full of nuance, whether you like that or not. My real issue isn’t the nuance — it’s how toxic the gatekeeping becomes. Strip away the rhetoric, and what’s left is: “I’m gay because I was born this way. I can’t help it. There’s something wrong with me. It’s not my fault.“Screw that, all the way down to Shitsville, USA.

One more time, for the people in the back: your sexual orientation isn’t defective or morally bankrupt — unless it denies someone else’s agency or consent. Gatekeeping is dickheaded behaviour that serves no one, not even the gatekeeper.

Thu, 03 Sep 2026 12:14:37 +0100

Thanks for that suggestion, Wikipedia

Still the Same, Thirteen Years Later

Mon, 03 Aug 2026 20:04:25 +0100

Image by tove erbs from Pixabay

Even though I’ve been spending less and less time on TikTok, I’m seeing a discourse happening around bisexual men, and cisgender straight women not wanting to date them. MANY of the responses were claiming that bisexual men were trying to coerce straight women into dating them.

The responses reminded me of the reaction that many cisgender lesbians had to the “cotton ceiling” debate. It even made it onto the BBC, that trans women were forcing lesbians to date them.

In reality, the whole conversation revolved around bias, and asking people to examine their bias. That if a woman being trans was the only reason that you wouldn’t date her, that it was transphobic.

It would seem that cisgender women seem to have a hard time examining their biases. #transgender

No, I'm not Writing a Book

Wed, 29 Jul 2026 08:45:15 +0100

This is it—the culmination of all the writing I will probably ever do. When I was younger, I envisioned writing a book about my life. However, I’ve come to realize that this likely won’t happen. I don’t feel the need for my words to extend beyond my lifetime.

There have been some unbelievable moments in my life, particularly regarding my origins. I was the product of a secret affair between my mother and father, and at 58, I still don’t fully understand the how’s or why’s of that situation. My mother married my stepdad, and I was adopted by him. He passed away when I was just 11, succumbing to the effects of alcoholism. Following his death, my mother spent the next 40 years gaslighting me about my biological father. From my perspective, she likely exhibits traits of a narcissist. Despite being the closest person in my life, she has been the source of the most lies.

These lies varied in magnitude—some were significant, like the identity of my biological father, while others were trivial. She claimed to have quit smoking, but I knew that wasn’t true, as I was already smoking and stealing her cigarettes. She also denied being in a relationship with the woman who shared her bed for nearly 15 years. The lies were pervasive, much like the chaotic nature of her personality and her life.

My grandfather, however, was a gentle presence, serving as a parental figure in ways my mother either couldn’t or wouldn’t. Yet, I also witnessed him verbally abuse my grandmother daily. I understand now that he was likely at the root of my mother’s trauma, which is reflected in the fact that among his three children, there are eight marriages. This highlighted the reality of intergenerational trauma. I’ve learned that it’s possible to love someone while simultaneously hating them at the same time.

I came out as transgender in 2001, and the trauma from my own failed marriages lingered. Rationalizing my transition and understanding that gender is a choice was transformative. This journey also inspired me to create Transadvocate.com, a platform dedicated to amplifying voices like mine. Through activism, I gained insights into the world, learning about power dynamics and social privilege versus oppression based on gender and race. In 2007, I was selected as a state delegate for Barack Obama, culminating in a visit to a White House gala in 2011.

During this time, I also gained custody of my son, which taught me invaluable lessons about the challenges of full-time parenting.

Through all the deep lows and massive highs, I have managed to find balance and acceptance in my life. I could share more about the peculiarities of my family and my experiences—like finding my biological father at 47, who discovered that his mother also lied to him about his father, and that he had two half-brothers he never knew about, or the two half-sisters I didn’t know existed. While these stories may sound unbelievable, I realize there’s nothing uniquely profound in them. They illustrate the struggles of broken individuals making poor choices. I no longer believe in the concept of evil people; instead, I see broken people who act badly. I’ve learned to endure trauma and extract lessons from it, yet I recognize that this isn’t extraordinary, it’s simply part of life.

There’s nothing particularly profound I can offer beyond this. Much of it is just the raw messiness of life, stripped of rose-coloured glasses. In my youth, I wanted to be in a band, meeting many talented musicians along the way. I learned that musical talent needs nurturing, like a garden. It requires practice to grow, and I struggled with that musically. Ultimately, I discovered that I could write decently, but I also realized that one must have something meaningful to express. I don’t find my experiences unusual enough to warrant a book that could help others become better people. Writing would merely document my existence, and I’m tired.

This blog is sufficient for me. At 58, my focus is on making the most of the years I have left. The desire to immortalise myself in the pages of a book has faded. This is enough. I’m enough. I’m here. I’m okay. That is enough, and I’ve learned to find contentment in that.

Taming my Camera Roll

Wed, 15 Jul 2026 05:32:02 +0100

I’ve decided to get rid of my iCloud and Google accounts. One of things that I’ve done is bring all the photos from Google and iCloud and my personal library, and put them together. I’m currently sitting at 4,894,576 pictures, 24,230 videos, and that’s currently over 1 TB of space. I know there are a lot of duplicates, and a lot of TikTok videos I don’t care about. I’m gently letting Immich sort through them and categorize them. But it’s topping out my NAS quite often. My streaming PC is helping with the machine learning. I’m going to baby it until it’s done and I can run deduping scripts. I’m talking about a procedure that’s taking DAYS. It’s been three or four days, and I’m not under a million yet. Once I’m able to do a backup of the Immich database, I feel like I’ll be able to breathe a bit. Then it’s the tedious process of going through them all. Most of my TikToks that I like I’ve already backed up, so a good majority of the videos I’ve saved are of me making videos over the past few years. Once they’re organized, I’ll back them up in the employ the 3-2-1 backup strategy. The 3-2-1 backup strategy is a data protection method that recommends keeping three copies of your data, stored on two different types of media, with one copy kept off-site. Mostly right now It’s just a matter of trying to keep the server above water and not stressing it too much.

The Greens are the Only Anti-Establishment Party

Tue, 14 Jul 2026 16:15:48 +0100

The Green Party is increasingly seen as the only viable alternative to the establishment parties in today’s political landscape. From the Canary: "Polling shows public see the Green Party as the anti-establishment party”.

Polling indicates that more voters perceive the Greens as a genuine option for those disillusioned with traditional political structures. This perception holds significant weight, especially when considering that many members of the Reform Party are former Conservatives. They had their chance to effect change but chose to uphold the status quo instead.

Reform’s current strategy is to pretend it’s anti-establishment, but it’s crucial to recognize that it isn’t. In almost every policy, it embodies the establishment views. The few policies where they DO differ from the esbablishment, it’s to the deteriment of the country. Immigration is mostly a net positive.

Cognitive biases run deep, as evidenced by Reform supporters dismissing large donations—such as the £5 million from cryptocurrency investors to Nigel Farage—while insisting he isn’t part of the corrupt establishment. This blind loyalty resembles a sports team mentality, where personal allegiance outweighs critical analysis. In contrast, the Green Party stands out by genuinely advocating for transformative change. Regardless of whether one believes in their approach, they are the only party actively proposing a path forward that deviates from entrenched political norms.

The parallels between Reform’s strategy with Donald Trump’s promises are striking; he vowed to transform lives but ultimately fell short, focusing on scapegoating marginalized groups like immigrants and the LGBTQ+ community rather than proposing substantial solutions. The Reform Party is positioning itself as anti-establishment while fundamentally supporting the very policies that maintain existing power dynamics. There’s nothing anti-establishment about them.

#GreenParty #PoliticalChange #StatusQuo #ReformParty #EstablishmentPolitics

My Blogs on Micro.blog

Sun, 12 Jul 2026 20:52:47 +0100

I have four blogs here on micro.blog. My main site: Martiabernathey.com Tpartypodcast.com Stillnottrans.com.

Martiabernathey.com is my personal website. Tpartypodcast is set up to be like my own Linktree to social media sites.

StillNotTrans is an idea that I’ve thought about doing for a while. It’s a blog where I will post cisgender predators that are the real threat, rather than the made up by transphobes. Trans people are more often victims of sexual violence than cisgender people.

Tue, 30 Jun 2026 11:35:49 +0100

Since I wrecked my bike, and messed my knee up, I’m guessing I’ll be writing a lot more on here while I recuperate! I have surgery scheduled a week from this Friday.

Andrea Dworkin had a Penis

Mon, 22 Jun 2026 07:57:13 +0100

What defines a woman? The common assertion from the “(trans)gender critical” crowd is that a woman is an “adult human female.” If we take that at face value, we are reducing individuals to their genitalia. Consider Andrea Dworkin—how can anyone definitively state she had a vagina? Is there a museum exhibit showcasing her anatomy? Do we have photographic evidence to verify her sex? Are her large gametes stored in an archive somewhere? If I were to argue that Dworkin was biologically male, how would you counter that without relying on gender identity or a birth certificate? Neither are a verification of sex, according to TERF ideology. It’s gametes or chromosomes, baby!

Recently, a TikTok comment claimed, “In no world do radical feminists say that’s all a woman is. They are also human and can have any personality under the sun. Our sex is simply the factor on which we are oppressed.”

NO.

Research shows that trans women face greater violence and poverty than cisgender women. Oppression is typically tied to perceived gender rather than biological sex. It’s not about inspecting genitalia; it’s about societal perceptions. Perception of gender identity significantly shapes the dynamics of oppression, more often more than biological sex. Those who don’t conform to traditional masculine roles face marginalization, regardless of their gametes, the appearance of their genitals, or their chromosomes. Individuals who don’t fit the mold of the “right kind of man” are scrutinized and discriminated against, regardless of their biological sex. Chaz Bono or Jamison Green won’t be oppressed based on whether they have a uterus, but because they aren’t considered the “right kind of man.” This layer of oppression transcends anatomy; it’s about societal expectations and the harsh realities faced by those who challenge them. Trans women (and trans men/non-binary folks) perceived as men endure higher rates of violence than cisgender women do.

When you say you’re oppressed because of sex, I frankly don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, and neither do you.

Sun, 31 May 2026 09:51:58 +0100

Facebook/Meta, you’re grim. Rebecca died in 2021. I think I’m good.

Sun, 31 May 2026 08:46:58 +0100

I’ve been thinking a lot about the growth I’ve had in the past 20 years. Then I saw Parker Molloy’s BlueSky account being retooted. Molloy once told another trans woman to “go drink bleach.” Seeing her account, it seems like she’s not grown at all. Same half baked, crass commentary, different decade.

Basic Bitch Biology

Mon, 25 May 2026 18:55:05 +0100

It’s all basic biology until you review the science.

They often dismiss it as just basic biology, asserting that there are only two sexes—male and female. This is science, plain and simple.

However, when you mention that gender may be hardwired in the brain and cite relevant studies, you’re labeled a misogynist or accused of hating women. #trangender

Is Your TikTok Feed a Platform for Israeli Propaganda?

Thu, 14 May 2026 13:12:07 +0100

Israeli state propaganda has found a cozy new home on TikTok, infiltrating our For You Pages like a sneaky guest at a party. 🎭🤔 This trend raises some eyebrows, especially when you consider how it ties into the IHRA definition of antisemitism. Critiquing Israel is being rebranded as a no-go zone for free speech.

As discussions around this topic heat up, it’s essential to unpack what that really means. Are we heading toward a world where any criticism of Israel is automatically labeled antisemitic? Apparently we’re already there. #TikTokTalk #PropagandaAlert #AntisemitismDebate #IsraelCritique

Fri, 08 May 2026 11:02:49 +0100

So apparently it’s content violation on TikTok to hashtag #stillnottrans highlighting the fact that trans people aren’t the threat, but your father, boyfriend, or pastor is.

Mon, 27 Apr 2026 08:03:00 +0100

I see Contrapoints is still Contrapointing (Contrapointing - tickling the leftist rage monster just to keep the centrist cash cows mooing and the Patreon dollars flowing).

Always Trying to Find Balance

Mon, 27 Apr 2026 07:27:21 +0100

I’ve cleaned up the design of my page to be a bit closer to what I want it to be. It’s by no means perfect, it’s a work in progress. But it’s about 75% of the way I want it to be. I’ve spent far too much time on TikTok while neglecting my writing. I like making TikToks, but video content is not all I want to do. I’m looking for more balance. For a very long time, life has gotten in the way of making content here. But I’ve realised over the years that I did a lot of the writing here as a way to not deal with other things in my life. I’ve mostly dealt with those things, but the desire to make content is still there. I still want to get into a healthy routine of writing, podcasting, and making videos here. I feel like I’m always chasing balance in my life.

I’m genuinely grateful for the life I have now. It was nice to ride up the coast of Northeastern England with my wife a few days ago.

For as long as I have left here, this is the kind of balance I want in my life. I don't feel like I'm hiding from my feelings, or putting my focus in other places to deal with things I would rather not deal with. I just feel like I'm living in the moment and finding joy at that moment.

Mon, 23 Mar 2026 18:32:00 +0100

The Reform Party is similar to Labour, in that they are big on generalisations of policy (or just ignoring their manifesto). They have no answers, just rhetoric.

Postiz is a good idea, in theory...

Fri, 20 Mar 2026 22:35:01 +0100

As a side note, I tried Postiz on Elest.io, and while it’s a great idea in theory, it’s not ready for prime-time. Think of Postiz like a self-hosted version of Hootsuite. Bluesky was the only app worked out of the box. I looked at their own hosting costs…and yeah (over £200) it isn’t going to work for me. People smarter than me, over on the Unraid Reddit, can’t even get it working.

Homelab Realities

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 11:39:39 +0100

During my journey through POSSE driven social media with a focus on open source/federated applications, I’ve picked up a few insights. As a homelabber, I was curious about running my own social media apps on my private NAS.

While I know it’s possible to expose my NAS/network to the internet, I feel that, from my perspective of being “smart enough to be dangerous,” it’s not the best idea for me. If I want to host something online, like Actual, PeerTube, or Mastodon, It’s more cost-effective (in terms of my time) and safer to use a fully managed DevOps platform like Elest.io or Pikapod. I’m fine with running local applications that don’t need internet exposure, but self-hosting Mastodon seems like a daunting task for someone like me. I still have nightmares about the time I tried to run group WordPress blogs on Transadvocate.com and kept getting hacked with bad MYSQL injections.

For now, I’m sticking to locally hosted, in network apps that don’t go outside my home network. I know myi limitations.

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 09:08:27 +0100

MAGA is an emotional movement by @transworld@masto.ai

Trump officials have warned that transgender troops weaken the force, but a new review of open service tells a different story.https://www.advocate.com/military/the-power-of-trans-servicepeople#transgender #trans #LGBTQ #LGBTQIA

There’s no logic/reason behind what #MAGA does, it’s 100% feelings.

An excerpt from "Living an Examined Life: Wisdom for the Second Half of the Journey" - James Hollis Ph.D

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 04:34:41 +0100

An excerpt from “Living an Examined Life: Wisdom for the Second Half of the Journey” - James Hollis Ph.D

“We survive in this life by adaptation. We learn from our world — families of origin, popular culture, world events, religious training, and many other sources — who we are, what is acceptable, what is not, and how we have to behave, perform, in order to fit in, gain approval from others, and prosper in this world into which we were thrust.”

“Historically, all cultures haimed that their values, their institutions, their marching orders come from the gods, sacrosanct scriptures, and venerated institutions. These “givens” are laden with presumptive powers and punitive sanctions for transgressions of any kind.”

“A child raised today in the world of virtual reality and video games is just as susceptible to these acculturating and directive images. We become too often a servant of our environment, given our need to fit in, receive the approval of others, stay out of harm’s way.”

“When I was a child in the 1940s, for example, there were pretty clear social definitions of gender, of social and economic class, of racial, ethnic, religious identity, and defined acceptable choices. To deviate from these prescriptive templates was to trigger sanctions of enormous proportion.”

“The most common socializing sentence my contemporaries and I heard was, “What would people think?” A familiar proverb in Japan declares, “It is the protruding nail that gets hammered.” In the face of such sanctioning power, what child does not begin to adopt the prejudices of his family and tribe, fear the alien values of others, and stick close to home in almost every way?”

“Since the 1940s and ’50s, all of those categories, reportedly created by the gods themselves, have been deconstructed. While sex is biologically driven, gender is socially construed, and constricting definitions for men and women then have proved still another of many frangible fictions. Today we know that the range of choices for any of us is infinitely greater.”

“We know that all races are mixed, that genetically we track back to a few progenitors in central Africa. We know that religions are mostly mythosocial constructs that arise out of tribal experiences that are institutionalized to preserve and to transmit and that the ontological claims of one tribe are no better, really, than the mythosocial constructs of other tribes. We know further that social practices, ethical prescriptions, are subjective value percepts and have no authority outside our tribe.”

“The more conscious we become, the more we become aware of unconscious influences working upon our daily choices. Why did you make that choice and not another at a critical juncture in your life? Why hook up with that person? Why repeat those family-of-origin patterns? These are disconcerting questions, but unless we ask them, we remain at the mercy of whatever forces are at work autonomously within us. These confrontations with the ego’s fantasy of sovereignty are truly intimidating, but they remain a summons to greater awareness.”

“I am not in any way suggesting that our cultural values, our religious traditions, our communal practices are wrong; that is not for me to judge. Many of those values link us with community, give us a sense of belonging and guidance in the flood of choices that beset us daily.”

“I am saying, however, that the historic powers of such expectations, admonitions, and prohibitions are to be rendered conscious, considered thoughtfully, and tested by the reality of our life experience and inner prompting. No longer does received authority — no matter how ratified by history, sanctioned by tradition — automatically govern. We are rather called to a discernment process. We are summoned to ask such questions as: Does this align with or make sense of my experience? If not, it may be well intended and right for someone else, but it is not right for me. Does this value, practice, or expectation take me deeper into life, open new possibilities of relationship, and accord with the deepest movements of my own soul? If not, then it is toxic, no matter how benign its claim. Does this value, practice, or expectation open me to the mystery of this journey?”

“Our life begins twice: the day we are born and the day we accept the radical existential fact that our life, for all its delimiting factors, is essentially ours to choose. And the moment when we open to that invitation and step into that accountability, we take on the power of choice.”

Wed, 18 Mar 2026 19:50:32 +0100

Watching the TikTok from Victoria Derbyshire talk about puberty blockers and see the comments of cis people more worried about a child’s future ability to reproduce, while ignoring the mental health repercussions for #transgender children makes me ill.

Wed, 18 Mar 2026 16:11:26 +0100

So, I’ve moved from Mastodon, to Micro.blog. I was hosting my own Mastodon server, it just isn’t worth $20 a month (it was raised last month from $9 to $20) to have my own domain/instance. Micro.blog is limited in what it can do, but my old mastodon.social profile will do to fill in the gaps.