Marti Abernathy

Thu, 03 Sep 2026 12:14:37 +0100

Thanks for that suggestion, Wikipedia

Still the Same, Thirteen Years Later

Mon, 03 Aug 2026 20:04:25 +0100

Even though I’ve been spending less and less time on TikTok, I’m seeing a discourse happening around bisexual men, and cisgender straight women not wanting to date them. MANY of the responses were claiming that bisexual men were trying to coerce straight women into dating them.

The responses reminded me of the reaction that many cisgender lesbians had to the “cotton ceiling” debate. It even made it onto the BBC, that trans women were forcing lesbians to date them.

In reality, the whole conversation revolved around bias, and asking people to examine their bias. That if a woman being trans was the only reason that you wouldn’t date her, that it was transphobic.

It would seem that cisgender women seem to have a hard time examining their biases. #transgender

No, I'm not Writing a Book

Wed, 29 Jul 2026 08:45:15 +0100

This is it—the culmination of all the writing I will probably ever do. When I was younger, I envisioned writing a book about my life. However, I’ve come to realize that this likely won’t happen. I don’t feel the need for my words to extend beyond my lifetime.

There have been some unbelievable moments in my life, particularly regarding my origins. I was the product of a secret affair between my mother and father, and at 58, I still don’t fully understand the how’s or why’s of that situation. My mother married my stepdad, and I was adopted by him. He passed away when I was just 11, succumbing to the effects of alcoholism. Following his death, my mother spent the next 40 years gaslighting me about my biological father. From my perspective, she likely exhibits traits of a narcissist. Despite being the closest person in my life, she has been the source of the most lies.

These lies varied in magnitude—some were significant, like the identity of my biological father, while others were trivial. She claimed to have quit smoking, but I knew that wasn’t true, as I was already smoking and stealing her cigarettes. She also denied being in a relationship with the woman who shared her bed for nearly 15 years. The lies were pervasive, much like the chaotic nature of her personality and her life.

My grandfather, however, was a gentle presence, serving as a parental figure in ways my mother either couldn’t or wouldn’t. Yet, I also witnessed him verbally abuse my grandmother daily. I understand now that he was likely at the root of my mother’s trauma, which is reflected in the fact that among his three children, there are eight marriages. This highlighted the reality of intergenerational trauma. I’ve learned that it’s possible to love someone while simultaneously hating them at the same time.

I came out as transgender in 2001, and the trauma from my own failed marriages lingered. Rationalizing my transition and understanding that gender is a choice was transformative. This journey also inspired me to create Transadvocate.com, a platform dedicated to amplifying voices like mine. Through activism, I gained insights into the world, learning about power dynamics and social privilege versus oppression based on gender and race. In 2007, I was selected as a state delegate for Barack Obama, culminating in a visit to a White House gala in 2011.

During this time, I also gained custody of my son, which taught me invaluable lessons about the challenges of full-time parenting.

Through all the deep lows and massive highs, I have managed to find balance and acceptance in my life. I could share more about the peculiarities of my family and my experiences—like finding my biological father at 47, who discovered that his mother also lied to him about his father, and that he had two half-brothers he never knew about, or the two half-sisters I didn’t know existed. While these stories may sound unbelievable, I realize there’s nothing uniquely profound in them. They illustrate the struggles of broken individuals making poor choices. I no longer believe in the concept of evil people; instead, I see broken people who act badly. I’ve learned to endure trauma and extract lessons from it, yet I recognize that this isn’t extraordinary, it’s simply part of life.

There’s nothing particularly profound I can offer beyond this. Much of it is just the raw messiness of life, stripped of rose-coloured glasses. In my youth, I wanted to be in a band, meeting many talented musicians along the way. I learned that musical talent needs nurturing, like a garden. It requires practice to grow, and I struggled with that musically. Ultimately, I discovered that I could write decently, but I also realized that one must have something meaningful to express. I don’t find my experiences unusual enough to warrant a book that could help others become better people. Writing would merely document my existence, and I’m tired.

This blog is sufficient for me. At 58, my focus is on making the most of the years I have left. The desire to immortalise myself in the pages of a book has faded. This is enough. I’m enough. I’m here. I’m okay. That is enough, and I’ve learned to find contentment in that.

Taming my Camera Roll

Wed, 15 Jul 2026 05:32:02 +0100

I’ve decided to get rid of my iCloud and Google accounts. One of things that I’ve done is bring all the photos from Google and iCloud and my personal library, and put them together. I’m currently sitting at 4,894,576 pictures, 24,230 videos, and that’s currently over 1 TB of space. I know there are a lot of duplicates, and a lot of TikTok videos I don’t care about. I’m gently letting Immich sort through them and categorize them. But it’s topping out my NAS quite often. My streaming PC is helping with the machine learning. I’m going to baby it until it’s done and I can run deduping scripts. I’m talking about a procedure that’s taking DAYS. It’s been three or four days, and I’m not under a million yet. Once I’m able to do a backup of the Immich database, I feel like I’ll be able to breathe a bit. Then it’s the tedious process of going through them all. Most of my TikToks that I like I’ve already backed up, so a good majority of the videos I’ve saved are of me making videos over the past few years. Once they’re organized, I’ll back them up in the employ the 3-2-1 backup strategy. The 3-2-1 backup strategy is a data protection method that recommends keeping three copies of your data, stored on two different types of media, with one copy kept off-site. Mostly right now It’s just a matter of trying to keep the server above water and not stressing it too much.

The Greens are the Only Anti-Establishment Party

Tue, 14 Jul 2026 16:15:48 +0100

The Green Party is increasingly seen as the only viable alternative to the establishment parties in today’s political landscape. From the Canary: "Polling shows public see the Green Party as the anti-establishment party”.

Polling indicates that more voters perceive the Greens as a genuine option for those disillusioned with traditional political structures. This perception holds significant weight, especially when considering that many members of the Reform Party are former Conservatives. They had their chance to effect change but chose to uphold the status quo instead.

Reform’s current strategy is to pretend it’s anti-establishment, but it’s crucial to recognize that it isn’t. In almost every policy, it embodies the establishment views. The few policies where they DO differ from the esbablishment, it’s to the deteriment of the country. Immigration is mostly a net positive.

Cognitive biases run deep, as evidenced by Reform supporters dismissing large donations—such as the £5 million from cryptocurrency investors to Nigel Farage—while insisting he isn’t part of the corrupt establishment. This blind loyalty resembles a sports team mentality, where personal allegiance outweighs critical analysis. In contrast, the Green Party stands out by genuinely advocating for transformative change. Regardless of whether one believes in their approach, they are the only party actively proposing a path forward that deviates from entrenched political norms.

The parallels between Reform’s strategy with Donald Trump’s promises are striking; he vowed to transform lives but ultimately fell short, focusing on scapegoating marginalized groups like immigrants and the LGBTQ+ community rather than proposing substantial solutions. The Reform Party is positioning itself as anti-establishment while fundamentally supporting the very policies that maintain existing power dynamics. There’s nothing anti-establishment about them.

#GreenParty #PoliticalChange #StatusQuo #ReformParty #EstablishmentPolitics

My Blogs on Micro.blog

Sun, 12 Jul 2026 20:52:47 +0100

I have four blogs here on micro.blog. My main site: Martiabernathey.com Tpartypodcast.com Stillnottrans.com.

Martiabernathey.com is my personal website. Tpartypodcast is set up to be like my own Linktree to social media sites.

StillNotTrans is an idea that I’ve thought about doing for a while. It’s a blog where I will post cisgender predators that are the real threat, rather than the made up by transphobes. Trans people are more often victims of sexual violence than cisgender people.

Tue, 30 Jun 2026 11:35:49 +0100

Since I wrecked my bike, and messed my knee up, I’m guessing I’ll be writing a lot more on here while I recuperate! I have surgery scheduled a week from this Friday.

Sun, 28 Jun 2026 02:53:16 +0100

Post by @tobiaalberti@mastodon.social

@mullvadnet Unfortunately freedom of speech, freedom of information, the right to privacy as well as the right of asylum, the principles of equality and non-discrimination, the rule of law and democracy itself will never be compatible with fascism.

Wed, 24 Jun 2026 00:37:19 +0100

This is a test

Andrea Dworkin had a Penis

Mon, 22 Jun 2026 07:57:13 +0100

What defines a woman? The common assertion from the “(trans)gender critical” crowd is that a woman is an “adult human female.” If we take that at face value, we are reducing individuals to their genitalia. Consider Andrea Dworkin—how can anyone definitively state she had a vagina? Is there a museum exhibit showcasing her anatomy? Do we have photographic evidence to verify her sex? Are her large gametes stored in an archive somewhere? If I were to argue that Dworkin was biologically male, how would you counter that without relying on gender identity or a birth certificate? Neither are a verification of sex, according to TERF ideology. It’s gametes or chromosomes, baby!

Recently, a TikTok comment claimed, “In no world do radical feminists say that’s all a woman is. They are also human and can have any personality under the sun. Our sex is simply the factor on which we are oppressed.”

NO.

Research shows that trans women face greater violence and poverty than cisgender women. Oppression is typically tied to perceived gender rather than biological sex. It’s not about inspecting genitalia; it’s about societal perceptions. Perception of gender identity significantly shapes the dynamics of oppression, more often more than biological sex. Those who don’t conform to traditional masculine roles face marginalization, regardless of their gametes, the appearance of their genitals, or their chromosomes. Individuals who don’t fit the mold of the “right kind of man” are scrutinized and discriminated against, regardless of their biological sex. Chaz Bono or Jamison Green won’t be oppressed based on whether they have a uterus, but because they aren’t considered the “right kind of man.” This layer of oppression transcends anatomy; it’s about societal expectations and the harsh realities faced by those who challenge them. Trans women (and trans men/non-binary folks) perceived as men endure higher rates of violence than cisgender women do.

When you say you’re oppressed because of sex, I frankly don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, and neither do you.

Sun, 31 May 2026 09:51:58 +0100

Facebook/Meta, you’re grim. Rebecca died in 2021. I think I’m good.

Sun, 31 May 2026 08:46:58 +0100

I’ve been thinking a lot about the growth I’ve had in the past 20 years. Then I saw Parker Molloy’s BlueSky account being retooted. Molloy once told another trans woman to “go drink bleach.” Seeing her account, it seems like she’s not grown at all. Same half baked, crass commentary, different decade.

Basic Bitch Biology

Mon, 25 May 2026 18:55:05 +0100

It’s all basic biology until you review the science.

They often dismiss it as just basic biology, asserting that there are only two sexes—male and female. This is science, plain and simple.

However, when you mention that gender may be hardwired in the brain and cite relevant studies, you’re labeled a misogynist or accused of hating women. #trangender

Is Your TikTok Feed a Platform for Israeli Propaganda?

Thu, 14 May 2026 13:12:07 +0100

Israeli state propaganda has found a cozy new home on TikTok, infiltrating our For You Pages like a sneaky guest at a party. 🎭🤔 This trend raises some eyebrows, especially when you consider how it ties into the IHRA definition of antisemitism. Critiquing Israel is being rebranded as a no-go zone for free speech.

As discussions around this topic heat up, it’s essential to unpack what that really means. Are we heading toward a world where any criticism of Israel is automatically labeled antisemitic? Apparently we’re already there. #TikTokTalk #PropagandaAlert #AntisemitismDebate #IsraelCritique

Fri, 08 May 2026 11:02:49 +0100

So apparently it’s content violation on TikTok to hashtag #stillnottrans highlighting the fact that trans people aren’t the threat, but your father, boyfriend, or pastor is.

Mon, 27 Apr 2026 08:03:00 +0100

I see Contrapoints is still Contrapointing (Contrapointing - tickling the leftist rage monster just to keep the centrist cash cows mooing and the Patreon dollars flowing).

Always Trying to Find Balance

Mon, 27 Apr 2026 07:27:21 +0100

I’ve cleaned up the design of my page to be a bit closer to what I want it to be. It’s by no means perfect, it’s a work in progress. But it’s about 75% of the way I want it to be. I’ve spent far too much time on TikTok while neglecting my writing. I like making TikToks, but video content is not all I want to do. I’m looking for more balance. For a very long time, life has gotten in the way of making content here. But I’ve realised over the years that I did a lot of the writing here as a way to not deal with other things in my life. I’ve mostly dealt with those things, but the desire to make content is still there. I still want to get into a healthy routine of writing, podcasting, and making videos here. I feel like I’m always chasing balance in my life.

I’m genuinely grateful for the life I have now. It was nice to ride up the coast of Northeastern England with my wife a few days ago.

For as long as I have left here, this is the kind of balance I want in my life. I don't feel like I'm hiding from my feelings, or putting my focus in other places to deal with things I would rather not deal with. I just feel like I'm living in the moment and finding joy at that moment.

Mon, 23 Mar 2026 18:32:00 +0100

The Reform Party is similar to Labour, in that they are big on generalisations of policy (or just ignoring their manifesto). They have no answers, just rhetoric.

Postiz is a good idea, in theory...

Fri, 20 Mar 2026 22:35:01 +0100

As a side note, I tried Postiz on Elest.io, and while it’s a great idea in theory, it’s not ready for prime-time. Think of Postiz like a self-hosted version of Hootsuite. Bluesky was the only app worked out of the box. I looked at their own hosting costs…and yeah (over £200) it isn’t going to work for me. People smarter than me, over on the Unraid Reddit, can’t even get it working.

Homelab Realities

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 11:39:39 +0100

During my journey through POSSE driven social media with a focus on open source/federated applications, I’ve picked up a few insights. As a homelabber, I was curious about running my own social media apps on my private NAS.

While I know it’s possible to expose my NAS/network to the internet, I feel that, from my perspective of being “smart enough to be dangerous,” it’s not the best idea for me. If I want to host something online, like Actual, PeerTube, or Mastodon, It’s more cost-effective (in terms of my time) and safer to use a fully managed DevOps platform like Elest.io or Pikapod. I’m fine with running local applications that don’t need internet exposure, but self-hosting Mastodon seems like a daunting task for someone like me. I still have nightmares about the time I tried to run group WordPress blogs on Transadvocate.com and kept getting hacked with bad MYSQL injections.

For now, I’m sticking to locally hosted, in network apps that don’t go outside my home network. I know myi limitations.

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 09:08:27 +0100

MAGA is an emotional movement by @transworld@masto.ai

Trump officials have warned that transgender troops weaken the force, but a new review of open service tells a different story.https://www.advocate.com/military/the-power-of-trans-servicepeople#transgender #trans #LGBTQ #LGBTQIA

There’s no logic/reason behind what #MAGA does, it’s 100% feelings.

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 05:03:08 +0100

Third Party by @chrisgeidner@journa.host

Third country removals — deporting people to countries they have no connection to — are not new to the Trump admin, but they’ve used the practice in aggressive and arguably illegal ways. The class-action challenge fighting them is now at the First Circuit, with briefing over the next 5 weeks, then arguments. www.lawdork.com/p/first-c…

The last conservative government Rishi Sunak tries to do this in Rwanda. Supreme court of the day ruled it illegal.

An excerpt from "Living an Examined Life: Wisdom for the Second Half of the Journey" - James Hollis Ph.D

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 04:34:41 +0100

An excerpt from “Living an Examined Life: Wisdom for the Second Half of the Journey” - James Hollis Ph.D

“We survive in this life by adaptation. We learn from our world — families of origin, popular culture, world events, religious training, and many other sources — who we are, what is acceptable, what is not, and how we have to behave, perform, in order to fit in, gain approval from others, and prosper in this world into which we were thrust.”

“Historically, all cultures haimed that their values, their institutions, their marching orders come from the gods, sacrosanct scriptures, and venerated institutions. These “givens” are laden with presumptive powers and punitive sanctions for transgressions of any kind.”

“A child raised today in the world of virtual reality and video games is just as susceptible to these acculturating and directive images. We become too often a servant of our environment, given our need to fit in, receive the approval of others, stay out of harm’s way.”

“When I was a child in the 1940s, for example, there were pretty clear social definitions of gender, of social and economic class, of racial, ethnic, religious identity, and defined acceptable choices. To deviate from these prescriptive templates was to trigger sanctions of enormous proportion.”

“The most common socializing sentence my contemporaries and I heard was, “What would people think?” A familiar proverb in Japan declares, “It is the protruding nail that gets hammered.” In the face of such sanctioning power, what child does not begin to adopt the prejudices of his family and tribe, fear the alien values of others, and stick close to home in almost every way?”

“Since the 1940s and ’50s, all of those categories, reportedly created by the gods themselves, have been deconstructed. While sex is biologically driven, gender is socially construed, and constricting definitions for men and women then have proved still another of many frangible fictions. Today we know that the range of choices for any of us is infinitely greater.”

“We know that all races are mixed, that genetically we track back to a few progenitors in central Africa. We know that religions are mostly mythosocial constructs that arise out of tribal experiences that are institutionalized to preserve and to transmit and that the ontological claims of one tribe are no better, really, than the mythosocial constructs of other tribes. We know further that social practices, ethical prescriptions, are subjective value percepts and have no authority outside our tribe.”

“The more conscious we become, the more we become aware of unconscious influences working upon our daily choices. Why did you make that choice and not another at a critical juncture in your life? Why hook up with that person? Why repeat those family-of-origin patterns? These are disconcerting questions, but unless we ask them, we remain at the mercy of whatever forces are at work autonomously within us. These confrontations with the ego’s fantasy of sovereignty are truly intimidating, but they remain a summons to greater awareness.”

“I am not in any way suggesting that our cultural values, our religious traditions, our communal practices are wrong; that is not for me to judge. Many of those values link us with community, give us a sense of belonging and guidance in the flood of choices that beset us daily.”

“I am saying, however, that the historic powers of such expectations, admonitions, and prohibitions are to be rendered conscious, considered thoughtfully, and tested by the reality of our life experience and inner prompting. No longer does received authority — no matter how ratified by history, sanctioned by tradition — automatically govern. We are rather called to a discernment process. We are summoned to ask such questions as: Does this align with or make sense of my experience? If not, it may be well intended and right for someone else, but it is not right for me. Does this value, practice, or expectation take me deeper into life, open new possibilities of relationship, and accord with the deepest movements of my own soul? If not, then it is toxic, no matter how benign its claim. Does this value, practice, or expectation open me to the mystery of this journey?”

“Our life begins twice: the day we are born and the day we accept the radical existential fact that our life, for all its delimiting factors, is essentially ours to choose. And the moment when we open to that invitation and step into that accountability, we take on the power of choice.”

Wed, 18 Mar 2026 19:50:32 +0100

Watching the TikTok from Victoria Derbyshire talk about puberty blockers and see the comments of cis people more worried about a child’s future ability to reproduce, while ignoring the mental health repercussions for #transgender children makes me ill.

Wed, 18 Mar 2026 16:11:26 +0100

So, I’ve moved from Mastodon, to Micro.blog. I was hosting my own Mastodon server, it just isn’t worth $20 a month (it was raised last month from $9 to $20) to have my own domain/instance. Micro.blog is limited in what it can do, but my old mastodon.social profile will do to fill in the gaps.