Marti Abernathey

I am a Feminist if…

This is one of the most beautiful and dead on posts I’ve read in a while.

“am I a ‘feminist?’
If, by feminist, you mean I believe women should have social, political, economic and all other rights equal to those of men, I am a feminist.

If, by feminist, you also mean I am passionate about ‘women’s issues,’ such as rape, domestic violence, eating disorders, breast cancer, HPV awareness, women’s plight during wartime, and such, than you bet my big dykey boots I’m a feminist.

If, however, by feminist, you mean I have a duty to ‘educate,’ judge and possibly reject women based on their choices in areas of makeup/’femininity,’ porn, plastic surgery, sexual preference and/or identity; and that I should also reject transgendered folks and make general blanket statements about complex gray areas, then no, I am not a feminist.”

And this over at enterthejabberwock.com really made me swoon too.

As I’ve said in the past, and will say again: Telling a woman what she SHOULD feel and how she SHOULD behave is just as wrong when women do it as when men do it. It seems, unfortunately, that the “I Blame the Patriarchy” crowd is fighting so that women can behave the way THEY want women to behave, instead of fighting so that women - with vaginae, penises, or medically-installed vaginae - can behave however the women themselves individually want without oppression from either side. Which of these two approaches, ultimately, is truly liberation?

And I think maybe that’s the most important thing I can stress, here - something I feel is maybe being forgotten: OPPRESSION is the Patriarchy, not MEN. Thus, by exhibiting oppressive tendencies, you are - believe it or not - the Patriarchy! Fancy that.

There is nothing intrinsic to my having a penis that makes me a fascist. There is nothing intrinsic to oppression that makes it somehow “masculine”. Or “feminine”, for that matter. Oppression just IS, and attempting to assign it a gender imitates the same gender-role assignment and reinforcement that is supposedly being battled. You’re never going to eliminate oppression if you’re investing this much concern into trying to convince people that it’s phallus-shaped. And you’re only going to create oppression by trying to force people to adopt your perspective on gender identity.

What’s disturbing is that these people seem to be incapable of self-examination. It’s almost startling to read some of the criticism of certain things that irritate them about the Patriarchy, only to find them utilizing the same mindset shortly thereafter.

And so the oppression continues, from both sides. You have the Patriarchy crowd telling transgendered and transsexual women and men that they’re unacceptable because they violate the Patriarchy’s definition of what an “acceptable woman” is, and you have the I Blame the Patriarchy crowd telling transgendered and transsexual women and men that they’re unacceptable because they violate the I Blame the Patriarchy crowd’s definition of what an “acceptable woman” is. Where is the difference, here? What makes the latter group think they’re somehow doing a service to women?

and my love for belledame222 over at “Fetch Me My Axe” just grows and grows because of posts like this…

and if you’re specifically sneering at dressing up pretty/femmey and (uh oh) certain kinds of sex, or rather that people who indulge freely and unapologetically in such things and defend themselves from sneerage from their supposed allies, must needs not be serious activists, fluffy little “sparkle ponies” and “fuckbots” and so forth, guess what? You’re also a sexist. Quite possibly an actual misogynist. And a homophobe, and “sex-negative” (oh, shit), and just an overall patriarchal reactionary. Yep, you heard me. Listen up, because I’m as tired of going over this particular bullshit as you, but it needs to be said again, it seems:

So you don’t want to wear makeup, shave, wear high heels, have sex with boys or maybe any sort of sex at all. No feminist is telling you you have to. In fact, some of us believe that the whole fucking point of feminism is that you shouldn’t have to dress or have sex in any way that doesn’t make you happy, simply to please the Monolith, on account of your body belongs to you. And will fight, have fought rather hard for that basic principle in many ways. ‘K?

So how ’bout doing your sisters (and femmey brothers for that matter; yeah, one of these days, we really are going to have to talk about that some more) the respect of returning the favor, hm? How about giving up just that one pleasure of regressing to junior high and “uh mah god, LOOK what SHE’S wearing.” For -one- day.

“Not that I’m telling you what to do.” Christ, no.

Renegade Evolution’s post hit me today too…

Feminism is not fun, and often, it is downright frustrating. You see, contrary to popular belief, there is no such thing as a fun feminist. There are feminists with a sense of humor, and feminists who know how to have fun, but the ‘fun feminist’ (often also labeled the ‘sex-positive’ feminist) is as about as real as the Kraken, Big Foot, and ethical mob lawyers. They are a myth, an urban legend.

Oh, there is little doubt there are divisions in feminism, factions and different ideologies and what not, but that is honestly to be expected. Feminists are after all human, and humans have differing opinions and concerns and thoughts. We aren’t the Borg. And truthfully, I think those differences do not only keep us on edge and occasionally at one another’s throats, but on our toes, which is where feminists need to be, honing their “A Game” for the times they really need it. But it is not fun. And this whole ‘fun feminist’ thing? Yeah, starting to irk me just as much as, oh..say…the term pornstitution.

In exploring my gender issues, I’ve always been weary of those that seek to fit into some norm, just to fit in. I’m doing this to find my place in the sun, not go from one prison to another. The bloggers above are the kind of people I want to learn from, to grow with, and become friends with. Why?

They inspire me.

Uncategorized | admin January 16, 2007

7 Comments

By belledame222, January 17, 2007 @ 5:08 am
By Shae, January 19, 2007 @ 1:07 pm

Nice post.

I have started to respond to the “Are you a feminist?” question with: “I am a humanist” — precisely because of those issues that go beyond human rights and (ironically) make “feminine” choices into something suspicious.
By Ms. Sally Sunshine, January 19, 2007 @ 1:55 pm

Miss Marti,

Thanks for stopping by again. And, yes, I do think most ex’s should be told to go fuck themselves, I’m all for a clean break with people when it ends.

For example, my ex-girlfriend and I used to follow the routine of dating exclusively, cheating on each other, talking, fighting, fucking.. and then back to dating. It was exhausting!

The finality of the situation should be embraced, so one doesn’t have deal with friendly repeats. I always say, a person has to make room in their life for the good love to come their way, which usually involves thoroughly purging the ex from one’s life.

Unfortunately, often times, it does require obscenities to get the point across, especially if one partner is far more attached than the other. It’s a little harsh, is it not? But it gets the job done.

Speaking of getting the job done…. I’m always up for releasing negative enegy….especially with a person as endlessly interesting such as yourself.

~Ms. S.S.
By RenegadeEvolution, January 20, 2007 @ 4:52 am

glad you liked it
By Shakespeare's Sister, January 24, 2007 @ 4:04 pm

Great round-up, Marti.

It reminds me of the discussion that was going on back in October, after Jill at Feministe was taken to task for her post on being a “Fun Feminist.” At the time, my opinion was “The measure of feminism’s tolerance should not be how well one conforms to any particular aesthetic, but how willing one is to embrace a myriad of aesthetics. …[T]he moment we flatly refuse to champion a space for women whose aesthetics differ from our own, we veer dangerously close to the inflexible dictates of the dominant culture we mean to change. I didn’t become a feminist to assume the very role I despise.”

And, you know, months later, with radfems now pitted instead against the trans community, my position has changed not at all, aside from, perhaps, becoming thismuch more intractable.
By Denise, January 24, 2007 @ 5:17 pm

Wow! GREAT roundup of posts and excerpts. How have I missed you on my blogroll? THAT problem has been corrected.
By Kim, January 26, 2007 @ 6:02 am

Awwww :)!
So glad you liked it!
Loving YOU!
I’ll be back …