Pollyanna or Polyamorous?
I had an unusual thing happen to me on Saturday night. I ended up camming with a couple, and the husband had no clue I was trans. When he was informed that I was trans, my first thought was “boy he’s gonna be pissed.” I believe he was quite surprised, but not pissed. I thought to myself, “god, they are both very attractive, and very cool.” Later, thinking more about it, I pondered if I could be with two people. In the past, this question was answered with an unequivocal NO!
I did a bit more research on the topic of polyamory. According to the polyamory.org website, “Polyamory means ‘loving more than one’. This love may be sexual, emotional, spiritual, or any combination thereof, according to the desires and agreements of the individuals involved, but you needn’t wear yourself out trying to fit fondness for apple pie, or filial piety, or a passion for the Saint Paul Saints baseball club into it. “Polyamorous” is also used as a descriptive term by people who are open to more than one relationship even if they are not currently involved in more than one.” I’ve been approached in the past by more than one couple wanting sex, and I flatly denied them. Why would I even be considering this now? The difference, in my mind, is that I’ve never been attracted to two people that have approached me. I might desire one, but the thought of tolerating the other turned me off completely. I had never thought or desired it myself, so I never really thought about why I wouldn’t do it. Sunday morning I sat and pondered just that. WHY NOT?
The reasons I found, truly frightened me. One reason I discovered was possessiveness. They should be mine, and only mine, I reasoned. In reality, we never own anyone except our self. Possessiveness is not a trait that is born out of love, but out of selfishness. If I truly love someone, should I deny his or her desires strictly out of my own possessiveness? The second reason is straight out jealousy, borne out of insecurity. If my partner is with someone else physically or mentally, how does that affect my life or my well being? In short, it doesn’t affect my life one bit. If it brings more happiness to my partner or my life, then that is a positive, is it not?
It’s not that I think that there is a very high probability of a poly relationship with this couple, but the incident just made me rethink my thoughts on the subject. Thanks you two. There is a reason I am attracted to both of you, you’re two awesome people that I’m glad have come into my life. Regardless of our future together, I’ve already won.
I guess I can be considered polyamorous now. Three cheers for me!
