Yoga with a T

I recently came across a yoga instructor that’s on a friends networking list that I belong to. I jumped at the chance to ask her some questions. She was very kind and quick to respond. My follow up suprised even me. I said:

“It’s a strange path I’m on, for sure. As I look at the sand beneath my feet I only see a few other footprints intersecting with mine. I consider myself spiritual, but I’m an atheist.

I’m not really concerned with money as much as I am concerned with intimacy. I’ll give you an example. I once sat in on an aerobics class at the local YMCA. It reminded me of something off of Seinfeld. I could barely keep up and the seemingly repetitive motions would cause me to go into fits. I couldn’t wait to get out of there, without making a scene.

I’m trans, so I’ve always had a discomfort with my body. I’ve always felt like a “klutz.” I’m not sure the two are related, but they’ve always seemed to go together. An example: I love to dance. But there are very few times I dance in public. I feel such a phobia about people seeing me, I guess. Seeing my clumsiness. Seeing me.

So, with that being said, I don’t know what the hell I’m looking for. Safety? The idea of being in a space with other people seeing my awkwardness scares the hell out of me. It always has. But I’ll never make it past this if I don’t try, if I don’t at least look changing it.

Growth. Such a wonderfully scary thing to do. But growth is life.”